Welcome to Wife Watch!, the only blog post that ranks the most powerful wives on this week’s episode of Big Love.

It’s time to climb into the clown car, because “Sins of the Father,” the midpoint of Season 5, is a full-on Polygamy Circus.
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Hi everyone,

I’m swimming in deadlines right now, so other than tomorrow’s Big Love Wife Watch!, I won’t be posting this week. I’ll return next Tuesday, February 16 with new and delicious content.

Thanks,

Mark

You’ve been waiting for an urban kung fu movie, with a touch of eco-friendly political messaging.

Even if you didn’t know you’ve been waiting, you have been. And I’m happy to deliver.

Here’s The L.B.N. — The Chronicles of Master Chintoux. (Look for the little girl who plays the head of the “littering thugs.” She’s my co-worker’s niece, and she will no doubt be blowing up soon.)

By DOUG STRASSLER

Hello again! Today I am writing about some more of my musical forget-me-nots. This time they are a little different from my first column – by definition, one-hit wonders should be memorable, even if nothing else about their performers is. However, I’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has talked about these five songs from the 1990s or anyone who has played them in years. I’ve listed them below in no particular order – not chronological, not in order of preference, not even in length – just like they might appear on shuffle mode.

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Here are my immediate reactions to the Oscar nominations. What are yours?

* Wow! Maggie Gyllenhaal! Was anybody expecting that? Biggest surprise of the acting categories, though certainly not a disastrous choice. And now Jake isn’t the only one in the family with a nomination, which will make the holidays a lot more comfortable.

* Lee Daniels is the second African-American director nominated (after John Singleton for Boyz n the Hood), and I’m really glad he got tapped. His work on Precious was great. Kathryn Bigelow is the fourth-ever woman nominated. The directing category is a rainbow coalition, y’all!

* Have we finally reached the point where acting nominees of color are no longer unusual? Ever since the Denzel/Halle year, it seems like there are always multiple non-Caucasian nominees, and this year, we’ve got Morgan Freeman, Gabourey Sidibe, Penelope Cruz, and Mo’nique.

* An animated film nomination for… The Secret of Kells? What in the hell is that? A best song nod for… Paris 36? Has anyone heard of that one?

* They used the expanded Best Picture category to embrace both big, popular films and films from perennial Academy favorites. I doubt that A Serious Man would have made the list of five, but Oscar loves the Coens. And lord knows that THE BLIND SIDE wouldn’t have made it, which… blech. That’s the Scent of a Woman nomination. But on the other hand, hooray for Up! And I’m happily intrigued by the District 9 nomination. Oh, and no Best Picture or Best Director nod for Invictus. Holla!

* I’ve seen 19 of the nominated performances, which means I’m… a geek? Yeah, kind of. Of all the ones I’ve seen, I’d say Penelope Cruz for Nine is the only one I’m super-sketchy on, though it’s only my general affection for Sandra Bullock and not my deep commitment to her work in The Blind Side that keeps me from protesting that one. I don’t have any desire to see The Lovely Bones, but Stanley Tucci is one of those actors who’s been in so many movies that this was probably his “long-timer” nomination. Too bad it couldn’t be for Julie and Julia.

* Overall, this is a cool slate of nominees. Diverse, worthy of argument, and generally representative of quality films. And I’ll admit… it is kind of cool that a few super-popular movie made the cut. It makes the conversation feel more rounded. Now begins my earnest rooting for Inglourious Basterds.

Welcome to Wife Watch!, the only blog post that ranks the most powerful wives on this week’s episode of Big Love.

I mean it as a compliment when I say that watching Big Love always makes me feel kind of sick. Like, I get so tense every week with all the drama and the fighting and the secret loving that I wonder if I should take an aspirin. Of course, that’s what I tune in for, and the latest installment, “The Mighty and the Strong,” certainly keeps me in chest pain.
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I’m writing this post about the Oscars while I watch the Grammys. Right now, my award-show haze is being pierced by Pink’s bad-assitude (She’s spinning in the air… and singing!),  Jamie Foxx’s self-satisfied assholery, and Taylor Swift’s tizz-errible singing.

But let me get back to the matter at… God, Taylor Swift! You are so out of tune!

Okay, okay… here’s my wish list of Oscar nominees in all four acting categories.

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Thanks to Doug Strassler for reminding me that Invictus should have been on my list of the worst movies I saw this year. Here’s the entry I forgot to write…

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Invictus

You remember how I was worried that this movie was going to be sanctimonious? And that it would mash complex questions of racial relationships in South Africa into tasteless, colorless pabulum? I was totally prescient, you guys.

The way Clint Eastwood directs (and the way his writers write), it’s like they’re smart guys, but they think we’re too stupid to hold up our end of a conversation. So they use sophisticated camera techniques and highly polished scripts to make the most simplistic points imaginable… like they’re doing us a damn favor by introducing our tiny minds to concepts like racial inequality or parental grief or lady boxerdom.

I will give Invictus this, however… it provides me with an image that encapsulates why I generally hate Eastwood’s movies. Now, I don’t have to explain my loathing any more. I can just describe this image and be done with it.

In the movie’s final moments, you see, when the South African rugby team wins the World Cup, thus uniting the nation’s races around a common sport and helping Nelson Mandela start the process of healing, we see a shot of Matt Damon holding his team’s trophy. Then we get a close-up of his white hand on the trophy. And then we see a black hand slide into the frame, gripping Damon’s hand and the trophy at the same time.

And then we get a wave of nausea. Or at least I do.

That pretty much sums up my response to Eastwood’s humorless, pompous inistence on “teaching me” what I’ve known since I was in utero. The man is a talented filmmaker, but other than with Changeling, he’s never applied his talent to anything that respects me the way the critical community clearly wants me to respect him.

Many thanks to my friend Kerri for directing me to this story about the 10 Most-Recalled Television ads of 2009, meaning the ads that viewers were most likely to remember within twenty-four hours of seeing them. The data comes from Nielsen,  but the tackiness comes from the people.

To paraphrase Kerri,  the descriptions of the ads tell us everything we need to know about society.

This is AdAge’s Top Most Recalled TV spots of 2009. I think the descriptions of the spots say just about everything one needs to know about American culture.

1
Budweiser
Clydesdale travels to find Daisy (:60). 259
2
Budweiser
Clydesdale fetches a large tree branch (:30). 252
3
Burger King
Burger Shots; women gather and ask to squeeze burgers (:15). 250
4
Doritos
Man throws snow globe into vending machine (:30). 247
5
Taco Bell
Man at ballgame has fake pregnant stomach concealing nachos (:15). 239
6
GoDaddy.com
Friends in dorm room watch Danica Patrick take shower (:30). 233
7
Quaker
People fly in sky with oatmeal jet packs (:15) . 229
8
Febreze
Mother tells son his room stinks and needs to be washed (:15). 228
9
Progressive
Flo shows customer Dave his own aisle (:30). 223
10
McDonald’s
Monopoly Million Dollar Dice Roll for Andrew M. (:30).

Previously: My Best Picture Candidates

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It’s not just the Oscar nominations that get announced next week… it’s the Razzie nominations, too. On Monday, The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation will announce their nominees for the worst cinematic crimes of the year. As part of his excellent year-in-film coverage, Roommate Joe announced his least faves earlier this week. So before I get to my favorite performances of the year, which I’ll write about soon, I want to join the fun and dishonor my least favorite movies of 2009.

Keep in mind that I’m only discussing movies I’ve actually seen. Therefore, no All About Steve or Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen or Bride Wars. But despite missing those gems, I still saw an awful lot of crap last year.

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