Last night, Andrew made an excellent point: If I’m going to dis my three least favorite expressions that are currently dominating the world, I should also celebrate my favorites.

If you know me, you know that slang is a regular part of my speech. It’s like I was spit out of a Slang-o-Tron. Or born and raised in Slangagonia. So to front like I don’t use crazy expressions would do us all a disservice. And then The Critical Condition would be a house of lies.

Thus, I present My Three Favorite Phrases That Are Currently Dominating the World.

(1) “hot mess” — n – A phrase that lets you know somebody is seriously cracked out.

Man, you guys… sometimes a person is more than just a travesty. They are an active ball of destruction that could actually hurt someone, and that’s why you need this phrase. It implies a mess that is heaving and breathing before our very eyes. (Props to the Urban Dictionary for highlighting the various definitions of the term.)

I know that Christian Siriano ushered “hot tranny mess” into the culture, but as with Law & Order, the original is the best. For one thing, the trans people that I know are far from hot messes. They tend to be stable, friendly folk who have worked hard to define their identities. Not that a trans person can’t be a mess sometimes, but I’d rather call that individual a “hot mess” who happens to be trans, rather than a “hot tranny mess.” You know what I mean? Equal-opportunity messes for all!

(2) “fug” — adj — A phrase meaning someone is “fucking ugly.” Popularized by the website Go Fug Yourself.

Bwahahaha! This word makes me laugh. I know its usage is similar to “hot mess,” yet the subtle distinctions are important. To my mind, a person can be well dressed and still be a hot mess, crying all over her expensive gown or spilling cheap beer on his nice shoes. Conversely, he or she can be gorgeously stable and still wear a a fugly leopard-print ensemble with matching Crocs.

At the moment, Andrew is working on a parody of the song “My Funny Valentine” called “My Fugly Valentine.” It’s awesome.

I support the inclusion of “fug” on the list. — Andrew

(3) “staycation” — n — A vacation you take in your own city/town/apartment

What a delicious pun! The word is valuable because it defines a unique activity. If you say you’re on a “vacation,” people think you’re traveling. If you say you’re on a “staycation,” they know they can invite you over on Friday night. (And they know they shouldn’t expect a postcard.)

A quick internet search suggests “staycation” (and the concept it represents) will soon be everywhere. Anyone want to start a business with me? We can make “staycation kits,” full of goodies for making memories at home. We’ll include two rolls of cookie dough–one sugar, one chocolate chip–a book full of paper dolls, and a kit for making sour apple martinis. Maybe a board game or some dice. E-mail me if you want to get started on the project. We could hit it big!

(Fun bonus!) gebusted — adj. — Totally broke down. See also: “hot mess” and “fug”

I know that not everyone uses this word, but it’s time they did. My friend Mark dropped it on me like this: “As the Germans would say, that show is gebusted.”

Awesome! Foreign-language flair makes everything special.