Crank That Hit!: Car-eography

Why You Need Hits: Most of us don’t hit the clubs as often as we’d like, but we do have a portable discotheque: Our cars.

Don’t deny it. I know you’ve boogied down in your automobile, possibly this morning, when you went to get that drive-thru latte and “P.Y.T.” came on the radio.

And don’t be ashamed! During the summer of 2000, when I was stopped at a red light in Atlanta, I was rocking out so hard to Cher’s “Believe” that I made a police officer laugh at me. I was aggressively shaking my finger—emphasizing the line “I really don’t think you’re strong enough”—when I noticed the cop was in her car, giggling.

But what could I do? I had to dance. So I just smiled, waved, and went on jamming. I like to believe she was so happy that she stopped giving out tickets. Forever.

Anyway, my point is that car-eography is a valuable part of life. The next time you’re on the road and you need to shake it, just remember at the following list. And then… Crank That Hit!

(Crank That Hit! selections after the jump…)

(1) “The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)” by Missy Elliott – The secret to car-eography is staying above the torso. Overuse your feet, and you could hit the gas instead of the brake. Next thing you know, you’re calling Geico.

By that logic, Missy Elliott’s breakthrough single, released in 1997, is perfection. You can mimic the herky-jerky moves from the video—where Elliott bounces around in an inflatable trash-bag—just by popping your arms and shoulders. Plus, you can literally interpret the lyric “Beep, beep! Who got the keys to the Jeep?” by slamming your horn. Be careful when you honk, though, or you could make the old man in front of you have a stroke.

(2) “Shake It” by Metro Station – First of all, you’ve got to love a title that tells you exactly what to do. That frees you up to pay attention to the road.

Plus–and this is key–you can easily match the tight, percussive rhythm of the chorus (“Shake, shake, shake-shake-a-shake-it) with a light fist pump or head pop. That means your moves can be subtle, yet satisfying. Good news if you’re trying not to make local law enforcement laugh at you.

And as ridiculous as it is, I think it’s kind of cool that the band’s lead singer, Trace Cyrus, is half-brother to one Miss Miley Cyrus. This song has all the poppy power of, say, “See You Again,” but without the gooey residue of prefabricated Disney cheese… so it’s like the world is giving us a less embarrassing way to enjoy Hannah Montana.

(3) “California Dreamin‘” by Mamas and the Papas –I know from experiences that this 1965 classic is ideal when the car is full. Let the left side sing the “Papa” vocals and the right side sing the “Mama” parts. Next thing you know, it’s group participation time!

TIP: Songs with multiple vocalists are always a great way to build team spirit, since everyone has a role to play. If you’re ever on a business trip with colleagues you don’t know very well, find a song with lots of parts and marvel at the bonding.

(4) “Angels” by Robbie Williams – Again, I know this one is a winner because I’ve lived it. It’s kind of a tragedy that Americans never embraced Williams’ brand of pop music, because “Angels,” released in Britain in 1997, is the type of arena-rock ballad you just don’t hear anymore.

It’s perfect car-eography moment? Near the middle of the song, right after Williams sings the last line of the chorus. There’s a brief pause: The drums drop out, the guitars drop out, leaving us with light percussion. Then we hear the start of the electric guitar solo. The drama’s mounting! Then the drums kick back in, with a loud, heavy BANG. Climax! Emotion! Thrills!

When the guitar solo starts, reach for the button that releases your washer fluid. And when the drum beat crashes: let the fluid go! It’s awesome, like a waterfall of emphasis for that amazing rock moment. Plus, it cleans your windshield.

This move works for any ballad that uses a soft-to-loud transition. It’s best to spring it on an unsuspecting friend. They’ll appreciate your flair. And if you choose “Angels,” they may actually know it, since David Archuleta belted it on American Idol this season.

(5) “It‘s All Coming Back to Me Now” by Celine Dion – Like any Jim Steinman song (“Total Eclipse of the Heart,” “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That),”), this 1996 ballad has an epic quality that can boost a long drive

Case in point: Back in 2002, my friend Allen and I were driving from Georgia to Connecticut, getting ready to start grad school, and when we were about to go stir crazy, we realized we could create a theater piece around this little ditty. There are so many drum crashes and layered vocals and choruses of singing angels that you almost have to stage it in your mind.

The resulting musical featured Celine falling in love, but getting kidnapped and replaced with a “fake Celine.” There was also a part with a single orchid falling to the ground, held in a spotlight. If you need to verify the power of our work, just ask our friend Rachel. She saw Allen and I perform it, complete with props.

Your Turn!: When it’s time for car-eography, which songs make you yell “Crank That Hit?!?!”