Not sure what Crank That Hit! means? Go here.

Do you know what makes me so angry? People pushing past me to get onto a crowded subway car before I can get off. RRRGH! Just give me a second, dude, and it will actually be easier for you to get onto the A train with your rolling suitcase with the stupid red string tied on it. And by the way? Everyone uses red string, so that’s not going to help you at baggage claim. Jerk.

See? So angry. But the last time this happened to me–which was yesterday–I just happened to be listening to a song with counting in it. And no joke: It reminded me that “counting to ten” is an important form of anger management. So I stopped, counted, and felt much better.

That got me thinking… the next time I need to calm my ass down on the subway, I need to Crank That Hit!

(1) “Seven Things,” by Miley Cyrus — You know that song I mentioned up there. Um… yeah. This is the one. Though I know that Miley Cyrus teeters on the edge of tabloid freakdom, I am powerless before her pop hooks. In this hit, currently in the top ten on Billboard, she doesn’t actually count, but she tells us there are seven things she hates about some dorky guy. Then she relies on us to count along as she lists them. Personally, I count like fifteen things–the chorus has a lot of words!–but just trying to keep up can calm me down.

Here’s the video: Note how Miley half-heartedly tries count the “seven things” on her fingers, then just gives up.

(2) “1-2-3,” by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine — I was nine when this song came out, and I flipped for it right away. How can you stay pissed when there’s a sassy dance beat around? And this one is great in case you’re extra mad, because Gloria counts all the way to eleven.

(3) “Rhythm Nation,” by Janet Jackson — Janet only counts at the beginning of this rock-awesome song, but she counts backward, which gets difficulty points. If you’ve ever seen the video, you’ll be forced to mimic the “counting hands” she uses, and choreography trumps rage every time!

Look for the counting hands at :36…

(4) “Tipsy,” by J-Kwon — This was J-Kwon’s only hit, but if you just get one, it should be this cool. And counting is integral to the awesomeness. In the verses, J-Kwon keeps counting forwards and backwards, so you don’t know where here’s going! It’s like he is tipsy. Or else he’s just impish. Either way: Nice.

(5) “Pinball Number Count” by The Pointer Sisters — Of all the educational counting songs, is there any more funky than this? Breaking it down for Sesame Street, The Pointer Sisters provide the soundtrack for a pinball’s voyage past everything from lions to baseball players. Such adventure! (I know there were lots of segments to this song, but that link shows a pretty good sampling.)

Your turn! — Which counting songs make you yell, “Crank that hit!?!”