At this point, I think I’ve spent more time in my life watching Law & Order than I have hugging people. And I’m very affectionate, so that should tell you something.

But I love me some L&O, y’all! And don’t come at me with your Special Victims Unit or your Criminal Intent. For me, it’s original flavor or no flavor at all. (I think people tend to prefer the L&O they started watching first, but I’m waiting for a Congressional study to confirm my theory.)

As I prepare to feast on an episode from my DVR stockpile (as part of my long-delayed lunch break), I’d like to share some questions I’ve always had about the show. Do you have any? Let’s ponder together!

My Long-Standing Law & Order Questions:

(1) Do the writers ever get tired of making variations on this line? “They left her purse, and there’s five hundred dollars in her wallet. I’m guessing it wasn’t a robbery.”

(2) Will Anita ever get promoted? Or did that failed lawsuit against the department consign her to a permanent career in the Lieutenant’s chair? (Not that I’m complaining, mind you. S. Epatha Merkerson rules every inch of my world.)

(3) Are there any suspects in Manhattan who aren’t sassy with the police? Personally, I think I would be more cooperative if an office came to my door.

(4) Did someone on the staff get rejected from Princeton? Because if you notice, the teenage killers have inevitably been accepted to Prinecton, which their parents use as evidence that they couldn’t be psychos.

(5) Can someone please release Season 6 on DVD? Please?