So Andrew is out of town right now, and I’ve been going over to his apartment to check his mail, make sure his stove isn’t on fire… that sort of thing. I spent last night at his place, and before I went to bed, I watched a DVR’d episode of The Mole.

Yes. The Mole. I admit it.

Anyway, this J.C. Penney commercial got my attention because it featured a remake of “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds, which is one of my all-time favorite songs. When I looked up from my stretching–which is what I do during The Mole–I noticed that the commercial’s well-scrubbed teenage models were reenacting scenes from The Breakfast Club (which is of course the film that featured the Simple Minds song.)

And I have to say, I chuckled. The parody was spot-on.

So I got curious, and I learned that the ad is part of J.C. Penney’s new back-to-school campaign “Get That Look.” It’s all centered around The J.C. Penney Club (wah-wah!), and it has gotten quite a bit of attention.

But as I looked for an online clip of the ad, I slipped down the J.C. Penney rabbit hole.

(fall down with me… after the jump)

Turns out I can’t find a clip of the ad anywhere, despite the fact that it’s on TV and running in movie theaters nationwide. What I can find is this website, which leads to an entire interactive universe dedicated to Breakfast Clubb-y kids in JCP fashions.

Among other things, there’s a game that starts with a faux-Allison going through the rebel motions. You know, throwing her lunch meat on a statue, pouring Pixie Stix on her sandwich, that sort of thing.

But instead of using her dandruff to make snow fall on the house she carved into her desk, Fauxlisson jumps onto a library table and starts dancing to yet another remake of “Don’t You (Forget About Me).” And then we get to choose which outfit she dances in.

And then? We have to click on these targets so she won’t “drop the beat.” I didn’t click anything, and no joke… the computer said, “You Failed.” Dissed!

There are also links to J.C. Penney’s catalog and an entire iTunes EP called JCPenney Presents: Don’t You Forget About Me (The Covers).

It’s not just a clothing campaign, you guys. It’s a plot to take over the world.

But here’s my question… Do teenagers really think this is cool? Do they honestly want to sign up for free text messages from fictional characters trying to sell them t-shirts with Nirvana logos on them? When they’re bored with Grand Theft Auto IV, are they going to rush to their computers and help Fauxllison keep the beat?

I know companies have tried this sort of thing before–I remember seeing something at the movies about an online reality series sponsored by some shoe company–but I’ve been assuming it doesn’t work. I’ve been assuming teenagers never believe that a department store is their buddy.

I mean… right? Advertising like this is never sincere. The goal is to make people buy shit they don’t need, so any appearance of coolness is just a deeply researched strategy. Is there a teenager out there who isn’t going to understand that?

Okay… I know this messaging works for some brands. Forces can converge until, like, Kangol hats are legitimately awesome. In those cases, the brand isn’t chasing the cool but creating it.

But can J.C. Penney create cool? Don’t they sell orthopedic shoes?

I guess that’s the genius of this campaign: If kids think it’s lame, their parents might dig it.

Hell, it worked for me. My Breakfast Club nostalgia made me look this stuff up. And I guess J.C. Penney figures that parents will think the store is on their side, wistfully remembering the crazy 80s right along with them. Then when it’s time to buy back-to-school outfits, parents will think of J.C. Penney as a vestige of their own youth… and spend lots of money there.

But for me? This whole thing would have been a lot more effective if J.C. Penney had dialed it down a notch. One cute commercial would have been fun, but all this… is too much. No matter how many EPs they release, I will never believe JC Penney cares about me as a person. And the multi-platform relentlessness of their message only underlines their phoniness.

Ultimately, I accept ads as a necessary evil, but I don’t accept them as my friends. I don’t want to hang out with the kids from the J.C. Penney Club.

And I know Allison wouldn’t fall for this crap, and neither would Bender. Claire might dig it, but I bet she’d never shop at J.C. Penney in the first place.

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For another interesting take on this campaign, check out Rick Mathieson at Branding Unbound. He also notes the parent-getting-seduced angle.