Nothing is kept where you think it should be. For example, plain old white notepads – not in the copy paper section, not in the notebook section, not in the stationary section, not next to Post-its. So, where are they? Why, next to the paperclips of course!

Now that I’ve learned where the blasted pads are kept, you’d think I’d be able to find them “Easy” next time, right? Wrong. Staples like to execute storewide layout changes about every other day.

Not content to merely change products positions within the aisle, Staples goes the extra mile and has everything in the store change sides like some retail version of musical chairs. Sometimes I can hear the walls shifting around behind me as I shop there. I suspect that somewhere in the center of the store David Bowie is singing to muppets.

Once I’ve retrieved the golden fleece and typewriter ribbon from aisle 3 I begin the escape, which typically involves one extremely slow cashier and a line of people holding objects without barcodes.

Two hours later I’m back at the funeral home discovering I bought the wrong thing.

So, considering all the hell Staples gives me, I can’t say the Easy Button gives me the warm fuzzies, but I would cut it some slack if they released a commercial featuring the Easy Button in a “yo mama” joke contest.