For yesterday’s New York Times, I wrote a story about theater productions marking the tenth anniversaries of Matthew Shepard’s murder and the controversial opening of Terrence McNally’s play Corpus Christi.

This story allowed me to meet Mr. McNally and Moises Kaufman… and speak to Judy Shepard, Matthew Shepard’s mother. It allowed me to write about events that matter deeply to me. It’s one of the pieces I am most honored to have written in my career.

Would you guys like a peek inside my head? Here’s my current inner monologue:

Wow, I really want to write about Mike Leigh’s new movie Happy-Go-Lucky, because it was really, really good. But I had oral surgery on Wednesday, which means I haven’t been able to eat solids for a while… which is making me feel kind of light-headed. So my desire to write a thoughtful piece of criticism is being overwhelmed by the fact that I’m kind of light-headed right now. Did I just repeat the word “light-headed?”

What if I did have light for a head? Like, my head was made of light.

Remember when “light in your loafers” was a euphemism for “homosexual”? Crazy!

So, yeah… that’s where we are right now, and later this afternoon, I have to interview a Pulitzer Prize winner. What’s going to happen?!?

I’m back on solids tonight, though, so next week, I’ll write about Happy-Go-Lucky. For now, let’s talk about Beyonce’s new singles! Hooray!

(After the jump, that is…)

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Exciting news! This week marks my debut as an advice columnist! Twice a month in New York Press, I will dole out solutions to all your problems via a column called “Sounds Like a Plan.”

The gimmick is that I offer genuine advice, but I always filter it through a pop music lens.

In this week’s column, I introduce myself and answer the following questions:

(1) Dear Mark,
I have a new friend who’s trying to poach all of my other friends. She will meet them at a party and suddenly start hanging out with them—sometimes it feels like she is trying to make me jealous. I know she’s had trouble making friends since moving to the city, but I don’t want her to invade every part of my life. What do I do?

(2) Dear Mark,
One of my very good friends just came out to me, but I’m the only one who knows he’s gay. To everyone else, he pretends to be straight, dating women and being set up by well-meaning friends. He’s living two lives. How can I encourage him to be honest about who he is while still being supportive?

Don’t miss out on my responses… read them here!

After the jump, please enjoy my tribute to tonight’s winner of Project Runway.

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

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I just saw this commercial, and it threw me for a loop:

The reason I was surprised? Because I seriously thought  Brooke Shields was going to tell the anthropomorphic Volkswagen about post-partum depression or something. For a moment, I thought Volkswagen was sponsoring some kind of charity, and they were touting it with a talking car.

But obvuiously, that’s the point. The commercial satirizes celebrity charity by making it seem like Brooke Shields sees everything as a major cause.

That’s funny (to me) because it suggests Brooke Shields is so naively good-hearted that she assumes everything is related to a global crisis. People can’t possibly be having babies and buying the Volkswagen Routan: The two must be linked! Blithe confidence about stupid things always makes me laugh.

And I like how the talking car is credulous. He just accepts what Shields says, as thought celebrity endorsement makes something true.

This commercial is the  opposite of that insufferable Jerry Seinfeld/Bill Gates ad I wrote about last week. Here, it’s the average citizen who understands what’s going on. Because “Christine” and her husband see through Brooke’s mistake, they’re the powerful ones in the story–the ones whom the audience is supposed to respect.

And since the at-home audience is mostly made of “average citizens,” the commercial pays us a compliment. It says, “Hey, everyday folk! You’re smart, just like Christine! You’re savvier than a famous person! Congratulations!”

Obviously, that’s a bit of ego stroking to make us buy a car, but still… it’s nicer than Windows telling us we’re horrible fame whores who wish we could be like Seinfeld. If fame and celebrity have got to be the subjects of commercials, then I’d much rather they be used as reminders that life outside the spotlight can still be interesting.

p.s. — I was being earnest when I wrote the sentence, “And I like how the talking car is credulous.”

A few weeks ago, my very awesome boyfriend Andrew hosted an evening of his songs at a very awesome Off Broadway theater called The Zipper Factory.

Some of the songs were completely original–with Andrew providing both music and lyrics–and some of them were parodies of pop and Broadway hits. On several of those parodies, Andrew and I wrote the lyrics together.

The popular political website Americablog has already written about Andrew’s Sarah Palin musical, in which Palin actually becomes president. Among other things, that piece turns “What Would Brian Boitano Do” (from the South Park movie) into President Palin’s state of the union address. (The singer is my fabulous and talented friend Lisa Rothauser.)

But the fun doesn’t stop there! Here are a few of the songs that Andrew and I wrote together:

(1) First, with Lisa, we turned “Save The Best for Last” into a song about… um… a special kind of virginity. (NSFW!! And also… I’m convinced Vanessa Williams would think this is funny):

(2) Then, the three of us used Gilbert and Sullivan to deliver an ode to that”Extra Special Lady Part” (NSFW!):

(3) Then, Andrew and I turned Brokeback Mountain into a musical (to the tune of “Defying Gravity” from Wicked):

Here’s to dirty, dirty songs!!

Note: The male performers in these videos are Ryan Murray and Chuck Ragsdale

Andrew and I just got back from a fantastic Pennsylvania holiday, on which we belatedly celebrated our third anniversary. (I know, right? We’re in luv. For three years and six weeks.)

Here are some things we did:

(1) Knocked on doors for Obama

(2) Stayed at a cute B&B

(3) Explored impossibly quaint towns with names like New Hope

(4) Went through a corn maze

(5) Saw a musical

(6) Went through the fantastic exhibits at the Constitution Cener in Philadelphia.

My fellow Americans, the last entry is why I’m here today. The Constitution Center rules. Historic Philadelphia is already exciting, since it’s literally America’s birthplace, but the Center ups the ante by defining the ideals of America in relationship to the realities of America.You hear that “all men are created equal,” but you also hear about the men and women who have been left out of the equation. Taken as a whole, the center enacts our flawed yet constant push toward total equality. It’s inspiring.

So how does this relate to pop music? Well… for those of us not in historic Philadelphia, pop songs can be quick reminders of important historical facts. And those reminders can make change, people! Change!

If you’re ready to revisit history, then Crank That Hit!

(Crank it back… after the jump.)

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The Movie: Australia (opening November 26)

The Buzz: Yo, it’s been seven years since Moulin Rouge! Baz Luhrmann, where you at?

The Trailer:

The Review:

I love me some Baz Luhrmann, y’all. Love. Even when his work gets exhaustingly stylized or reduces Shakespeare to frantic jump cuts, I can’t get enough of it. There’s just so much vim! You can feel the energy–the unabashed joy for filmmaking–crackling across the screen.

But I’ve got to say, I’m even more excited to see Australia because it seems Luhrmann has retired the tropes of his “Red Curtain Trilogy” (Strictly Ballroom, William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet, and Moulin Rouge!) In some DVD extra, he said those movies were designed to remind us we were watching something artificial.That’s why we got fin de siecle characters singing Madonna songs and Romeo rocking Everclear.

This time, though, the trailer sells a straight-ahead epic. That’s a fascinating possibility: If Luhrmann’s energy drives a traditional narrative,  what will it bring to the screen?

Judging by the preview, it will bring gorgeous cinematography, bizarre images of aborigines, Hugh Jackman’s hotness, and a warm performance from Nicole Kidman, complete with Botox-defying facial expressions.

Since it seems he isn’t repeating himself, I’m interested to meet the new Baz Luhrmann.

The Rating: 4 Outback Steakhouse Jokes, Politely Overlooked

You may have heard about the current Broadway revival of Arthur Miller’s All My Sons, about a corrupt businessman who knowingly sells faulty airplane parts to the military during WWII. It co-stars Dianne Wiest, John Lithgow, Patrick Wilson, and in her stage debut, Katie Holmes. You know… the actress who’s married to that one guy.

My current Variety feature is about the director Simon McBurney, who pushes the play’s classically tragic elements to the foreground and challenges the notion that it’s a stodgy piece of realism.

Since I saw the show before a press performance, it would be unfair for me to write a review. However, if you see it, please post your thoughts here on The Critical Condition!

 

Warning! If you’re a few episodes behind on True Blood (like my boyfriend Andrew), then do not read this post. (That means you, Andrew. )

Every week, I’m liking True Blood more and more. As Gabe at Videogum noted, they’ve gotten through the arduous process of setting up the show’s universe, and now they’re into the nitty gritty of some P-L-O-T. The stories are getting really dense, which is making me feel agreeably off-kilter. Why is Sookie confused by Sam’s thoughts, and why is he sniffing a dead girl’s sheets? Is he the dog that keeps showing up in the background? And is Jason getting addicted to V? And why would someone do that to grandma?!?

Right now, those questions create delicious confusion. Granted, the show raises a few questions that make me nuts, such as…

** Are we really supposed to believe that the general populace doesn’t know that vampires are vulnerable to pure silver? If those crazy drug addicts from the first episode knew it, why doesn’t everyone else? Isn’t there a website about these things?

** Will they every clarify how you become a vampire? When the Civil War Suckeress attacked Bill, it looked like she did to him exactly what Bill did to Sookie. You know, with the human drinking the vamp’s blood. Is Sookie still human because Bill didn’t bite her first? Can we just clear that up already?

** Can Bill  be less boring? (Props to Joe for that one.)

But disregarding all that, there’s one question I do have an answer for.

Question: Can Lafayette be more awesome?

Answer: No.

Let’s examine this character’s coolness… after the jump…

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