My friend Rachel is so awesome that it threatens the earth’s polarity. For instance, she just e-mailed the following question:

Why didn’t you tell me you were in this commercial?

And then she linked to this:

Obviously, I’m not actually in this ad, but Rachel understood that my spirit is in it. You’ve heard “Silence (of the Lambs),” right? My dope rap song about the Oscar-winning film? I know something about unassuming white guys with lethal skills on the mike.

But there’s more to this commercial than my own life. I’ll break down the rest of my reaction… after the jump.

So… the “surprise rapping” scenario has been done to death, and the pinnacle came in 1989. Remember this scene from Teen Witch?

I’ve seen this movie 15 times, and this part still kicks my ass. Homegirl can flow!

Clearly, “Holiday Inn Express Rapper” is indebted to “Top That,” but the commercial has a message of its own.

In a nutshell, it insists that young, black, “urban” men have unassailable cool, and that Holiday Inn Express can transfer that cool to paunchy, geeky white guys.

At first, we’re supposed to admire the black guys. They’re powerful because they rap first, make insults, and have friends. When the dorky guy raps back, he’s victorious because he speaks the language of the young black men, and he speaks it better than they do.

Watch the commercial again: The white guy’s rap is longer, more verbally complex, and more rhythmically intricate. He has more “black coolness” than actual black people, and he says he owes it all to Holiday Inn Express.

If you resemble this paunchy businessman, you’re supposed to believe that staying at Holiday Inn Express will make you just as hip as those young black guys. And a lot of Holiday Inn customers are paunchy white businessmen, so the company makes a tantalizing promise to a key demographic.

But the promise is troubling, too. Why not a black businessman and white guys on the corner? Or how about an integrated group of young rappers and a businesswoman?

Like I said, It’s probably demographics. The ad targets the insecurities of white men who make business trips and worry that their middle class choices have made them uncool.

But if this spot were less stereotypical, its message could be more effective. It’s not just white guys who worry they’re lame, and it’s not just black kids who look cool when they rap.

Case in point? “Top That.” Shouldn’t the girls from Teen Witch also be encouraged to find salvation at Holiday Inn Express?