They’ve been sitting on my DVR for weeks… countless episodes of Heroes just waiting to be watched. There have been days when there was nothing else in my queue, but instead of catching Sylar’s latest massacre, I’ve dug out a Simpsons DVD and seen Lisa become a vegetarian for the twentieth time.
Last night, I finally pulled the plug: I erased all my stored-up episodes, and I canceled my Heroes series recording on my  DVR. That’s it. We’re through.Â
I’m a little sad, you know? Because Heroes and I had some really good times. Sure, we always fought about Nikki/Jessica/Rebecca/Suzette—I didn’t want him seeing her anymore, and he kept bringing her around—but who can forget the night we cried over “Company Man” or got lost together in Mohinder’s dreamy eyes? Dammit, we had a beautiful relationship.
Once. We had a beautiful relationship once, and the memories kept me going through some very tough times. In my anger journal, I’ve got entries titled “Hiro goes to Japan,” “Sylar is so powerful that he’s boring,”and “We get it, Noah lives for Claire.” And the day I wrote “I don’t need your awkward expositional dialogue to understand these blatantly obvious power dynamics,” I was pressing down so hard that I broke my pencil.
Of course, it wasn’t just the memory of the good times that kept Heroes and me together. Everywhere I looked, the creators were making promises to change. “Oh, we’ll clarify the plots,” they said. “We’ll make sure the action moves faster. When you want us to have brunch with your friends, we won’t complain about it.” But it was all just empty words. I kept waiting, kept hoping, and nothing ever changed.Â
So I started to drift, you know? I wasn’t full-on cheating, but I was definitely flirting around. Pushing Daisies and I spent a lot of time together until her dad sent her away, and there were some intense moments with Reaper that still make my palms sweaty. But still, I hung on with Heroes.
Until last December, that is, when this whole “Villains” arc wrapped up. Suddenly, it was clear that we were faking it. I was rolling my eyes when we were together, and I was talking about Heroes behind his back. When we agreed to spend Christmas apart, we both knew that was it, even though we didn’t admit it, even to ourselves.
Since the new year, we’ve made some half-hearted attempts to make up. I watched some episode a few weeks ago, but I was writing e-mail the whole time. We went out for drinks one Friday, but I only stayed for twenty minutes.Â
Then came yesterday. The big break up. It’ll take me a while to get over everything, but I’ve accepted that Heroes and I are finished.
What about you guys? Are there TV relationships you’ve stayed in too long? Any that you’re secretly dying to get out of right now? Let it out right here. Let The Critical Condition be your first step to healing.
21 responses so far ↓
1 ferretrick // Mar 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Y’know, I never got into bed with Heroes, because whatever time slot it was when it premiered, it was up against 3 or 4 other great shows that I watched and I just couldn’t do it. People kept trying to fix us up, but I resisted, said I wasn’t in a new TV relationship place, and now that I hear how bad Heroes turned out to be for other people, I’m glad I did.
But I feel like my relationship with Brothers and Sisters is on the rocks. I loved Bros and Hos in its first season, then less last year, and this season has just been faking it. I made room in my heart for Rebecca only to have her ripped out of the Walker TV family. I wasn’t comfortable with Justin dating his quasi-sister, but I tried to make peace with it for the sake of family harmony. I didn’t know it was going to be one of those relationships that takes two good people and turns them into miserable, annoying, bitchy wretches.
After seeing how the first one turned out, I wasn’t ready to open my heart to another Walker sibling, but again I tried. Who knew it was going to come in the form of your boyfriend’s creepiest ex, the one you just can’t be friends with, who makes you shout “Get a comb! And some acting lessons while you’re out!”
Bros and Hos, this just isn’t working anymore.
2 Kevin M. Keating // Mar 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm
My sentiments exactly, Mark.
Screw You, Heroes.
3 InfoMofo // Mar 23, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I ditched Heroes, 24, Lost, Alias, and Grey’s Anatomy after getting bored after 2-3 seasons. I’m 29 and still single. Let’s not read too much into this.
I think BSG is probably the only recent television drama show that I stuck with from start to finish (and that was a rocky one). The other candidates for TV LTRs for me are Mad Men and Big Love– but I’m like 3 eps behind on that one– that whole Polygamist road trip episode kind of threw me a bit.
4 Mark Blankenship // Mar 23, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Ferretrick
Yes! I broke up with B&S, too! We actually split before the new sibling showed up. I ended it a few episodes into this season, when Holly became a bitch caricature and Sarah started that boring-ass job at an internet start-up.
5 Gonzalo // Mar 23, 2009 at 4:20 pm
I stopped 2 or 3 episodes into the new volume. And though it seemed a little bit better than the last one, I asked myself “haven’t we been here before?” It always sets up a few interesting stories, and appears to have corrected its (often unremarkable) course, and then we get back into insane plot turns that make little to no sense, far too many characters, and sleep-inducing expository dialog. It happened in season 2, it did again during “Villains”, and really, it sort of did in season 1 too (standout eps like “Company Man” aside).
I never expected Heroes to match the quality of Lost or BSG (I miss you already!), but I always hoped we’d at least remain friends for a long time. But I’ve 4 or 5 episodes behind, and catching up seems like too much of a chore.
@InfoMofo – are you sure you aren’t being too harsh on some of these? I understand a bit of impatience with Lost and Alias circa season 3 (more so with the latter), but it may pay off to give them another chance. And season 5 of 24 (I show I’ve never loved that much) was pretty spectacular.
6 katy // Mar 23, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Heroes really is not good any more, but I persist in watching it anyway. Call me loyal and masochistic. Heroes is one of a group of shows that had a nearly-perfect first season and then sputtered dramatically out.
(One pet peeve about Heroes is the strange repetitive lack of creativity the writers seem to have about how to end each season. They just can’t seem to think of anything but to threaten a big explosion that kills a bunch of people in an American city. Why not think of something else villainous? Have they never read comic books?)
I am the one person alive who couldn’t get through the first season of Mad Men, and I got bored of Pushing Daisies and 24, too.
I could never quit Lost though. Never ever ever.
7 InfoMofo // Mar 23, 2009 at 5:26 pm
@Gonzalo – I probably am being too harsh. Mark’s post is so accurate for me at least, because I do really get emotionally attached to these shows, and it gets to the point that when I have to break it off with them, it’s really hard for me to go back. Everyone I know says Lost is awesome now, but all I can think about is this chunk of that show where nothing happened and it seemed like they were just adding filler, and it kind of broke my heart cause I was SO into it for the first two seasons (like crazy conspiracy theory posting on internet forums and recruiting my friends to watch it crazy). In Season 3 or 4 I just became convinced that they had no idea what they were doing with the show and it just angered me because I had spent so much time on it; I know it’s totally irrational but I just don’t think I could go back now and watch it without remembering how disappointed I was at the time.
24 is a little different because each season is one encapsulated arc. Even though I didn’t watch all of season 2, and I skipped 3 altogether, I watched both season 4 and 5 and enjoyed it without feeling like I had missed too much. But it wasn’t the “rush home to” show that it was for me the first season.
By the way- this post’s timing coincides with a related post at io9 about whether or not perceived “shark jumping” affects nielsen ratings or not.
http://io9.com/5176061/how-does-shark+jumping-really-affect-audience-numbers
I think the premise is totally contrived and I don’t really agree with their conclusions, but it’s still fun to think about.
8 Rae // Mar 23, 2009 at 7:06 pm
The thing is… Heroes keeps talking about bringing another man (back) into the relationship and it’s tempting. I mean, it could be just the change I’m looking for, right? And yet even Bryan Fuller can’t seem to get my… interest back up.
But, seriously, I’m pretty much at this point with this show as well. Earlier this season I gave up Brothers & Sisters and Desperate Housewives. It was easier than I thought to walk away and I haven’t even driven past their houses just to see if anything looks different. Even managed to break ties with Private Practice even though we only had a minor dalliance anyway. It’s Ugly Betty that I can’t seem to break up with and the show is really starting to live up to its name at this point. Maybe I need to knock up another show and hope it moves to Arizona so I’m forced to follow?
9 Jill // Mar 23, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I just broke up with Heroes myself, in exactly the same way. Only instead of The Simpsons, I’m into Freaks and Geeks.
10 Amanda // Mar 23, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Hilarious!! I was so in love at first with the concept of the show as a closet comic geek, but eventually it just couldn’t sustain itself. But I feel the same way about Lost. There comes a time in every sci-fi or fantasy relationship when you just have to jump off the crazy train, you know? Maybe that means I have a limited imagination, and I’ll just be doing it missionary-style with CSI: Miami until I’m hunched and whiskered. For David Caruso, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
11 stephanie // Mar 24, 2009 at 12:02 am
I first broke up with Heroes when Hiro was stuck in Japan, and I never looked back. But then I saw a promo and thought I’d give it one more chance. I didn’t last 20 minutes into the plane crash ep.
I just realized I have to break up with Mad Men, because I have the entire second season dvr’d and haven’t made a move to watch it.
Grey’s is the abusive relationship I can’t get out of. I bitch about it to my girlfriends every week, but I just can’t cut the cord.
12 Rube Goldberg // Mar 24, 2009 at 12:58 am
I just broke up with The Office and I’m still in the “maybe if I call, all will be forgiven” stage in that process. The show was just getting too shrill (being loud and yelly for the sake of being loud and yelly) and way too focused around office romances. I much prefer the ensemble episodes like “Office Olympics” and “Weight Loss”.
Yeah, kinda lost the metaphor there, but I’m still bummed that I took the show off the DVR. It is for the best, though.
13 kingoftunes // Mar 24, 2009 at 3:12 am
I gave up on Heroes at the end of the first season when they had a big climactic battle in New York City and there was not a single other soul on the streets, except for the various heroes. I’m glad I ditched it. I also ditched Prison Break after the first season. High concept shows like these really should just be on for a limited time.
As for Brothers & Sisters, it remains a guilty pleasure but is sorely trying my patience with what appears to be a push towards the new sibling having a crush on the ex-sibling. Enough already. There are millions of people in LA – must they all find their love in their own home???
14 Mel C. // Mar 24, 2009 at 11:20 am
Damages. I have five episodes taunting me every time I pull up my DVR and will be adding another this week, taking up valuable real estate that should be filled with Rock of Love Bus episodes or something equally noteworthy. I keep thinking it is going to get better as soon as I stop watching. And that’s what keeps me coming back.
15 ferretrick // Mar 24, 2009 at 1:17 pm
kingoftunes, Ohhhhhh…Prison Break. I didn’t think of that one since it hasn’t been on since fall, and I think I Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minded it. Its been obvious since they got them out of prison they have no idea what to do with the story, yet its drug on for 3 more seasons.
16 Dandy Darkly // Mar 24, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Good for you, Mark!
I myself broke up with Heroes such a long time ago I can barely remember the good times. The moments where Heroes and I held one another, before cutesy catch phrases and time travel and season reset after season reset derailed what we cherished. Those were precious times where I truly believed a serial super-hero show could thrive on network television.
Then Heroes got SO popular. Was it because of me? Because I loved it and told my friends about our relationship? But Heroes changed… but maybe I changed too… I miss you, Mister Muggles.
Dollhouse and I are on better terms. There was so much hype. Everyone kept saying I had to meet him. “We’d be perfect for each other.” And I admit I was enthralled. But ould he live up to my expectations? I’ve learned to give him a chance to find his voice, and things are looking better. We’re holding hands in public again.
I made out (in public) with Summer Heights High the entire winter! I couldn’t get enough of him. Quoting the funny things he says to my friends. Telling everyone about our love. But it was so short lived and so passionate. It was destined to burn out quickly. I miss him. I want more of him. I feel dirty admitting that in a public forum. God I want more Summer Heights High!
And then there’s 30 Rock. Like a darling peck on the cheek and a snuggle on the sofa, he consistently leaves me with a chuckle, even if I’m not exactly jazzed to go on a date. But we doand we laugh about our quirks and … he’s sweet.
But then there’s Lost. Sweaty, mysterious, good looking – did I mention sweaty? Our affair has been on and off and on, but never apart. I’ve revisited our early years and obsessively read what other people think about him on the internet, apparently this guy gets around. But its so worth it. Or is it? He’s an enigma deep fried in donut batter and sold at a science fair.
17 Mark Blankenship // Mar 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Dandy Darkly, we are clearly dating the same guys, because Summer Heights High and I ALSO had this crazy thing over the summer. But for us, it was just one marathon weekend, where I watched every episode in basically two sittings. I’m like that in some relationships—you know, use up all the passion, because you know your parents only rented this beach house for two weeks and you have to go back to Tennessee after that, and you’ll never see this guy again.
And like many people here, I’ve got a dysfunctional but totally permanent love affair with Lost. When he looks me in the eyes, I forget to hate him.
18 Reese // Mar 25, 2009 at 1:44 pm
So what about those of us who have happy, comfortable TV relationships – but our significant others and friends are stuck in abusive relationships with other shows? (I’m looking in Lost’s general direction).
I think I’ll start a recovery group. Remember people, admitting you have a problem is half the battle.
19 Laura Mc. // Mar 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm
(I am in a library trying SO HARD not to laugh out loud at all of these posts. Thank you, Mr. Darkly.)
Paranormal State and I have had major drama of late. I KNOW he lies to me. I KNOW he is full of shit. And yet I watch, just to see if I can find that balance of the mysterious and the scientifically predictable.. because, ultimately for me, he has everything.
There is the suspense of whether or not the ghosts will knock over a trashcan or close a door in addition to the comfort that Chip Coffey (Atlanta Psychic Extraordinaire) can soothe the raging spirits of yester-year.
So no, Critical Condition readers, I am not currently in abusive relationships with catchy, marketed, beautiful series (though Jerry Bruckheimer and his sundry crime investigators and I did have a fling almost a year ago). I have fallen further than ALL OF YOU into the depths by mistaking alarm, stress, and weird camera angles for the allure of a lover with secret powers and unrevealed truths. I am too far gone to be saved, and you all must leave me to my delusional wishes..
20 Mark Blankenship // Mar 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Laura, I’m sure there’s a support group for you. I’ll try to get some literature your way, ASAP.
21 Charity Thomas // Mar 27, 2009 at 11:24 am
My break-up with Heroes has been long and drawn out. I won’t watch, or I’ll watch during the commercials of 24, then call my little sister screaming into the phone how much I hate the show. I worked out my catharsis here, but there’s an even bigger offender on NBC.
You all know, it’s the elephant in the room: ER. I’ve broken up with this show so many times in the last 15 years that I had to give the last season a try. Every week is more painful than the last. Why introduce new characters at the end? What are they thinking? I want the helicopter that took Romano out to come back and wipe out the whole hospital.
This season they give me Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance as the pretty brown couple I want to watch but I know, I’ll never know. I won’t mourn them like I did Mark Green. I don’t care about any of these people.
And the people I did care about have randomly shown up with so weakly, it’s like seeing someone you used to love only to realize you don’t know them anymore. Hey Carol, Hey Doug. Bye Carol, Bye Doug. Oh, did you guys get married? Hey Carol what exactly do you do? Oh, I see, you can’t tell me. Oh, because the writers don’t care about me having any real closure. Oh, I see.
Every week of “television history†I’m hoping it’ll go all Hill Street Blues. Really, Neela and Ray. Give me a break. Carter has a million, billion dollars. The needing a kidney was a really wack way to reintroduce him. And Benton.
So, next week is the real last week. And I’m going to watch it, I’ve been doing it for half of my life. But in the immortal last word of Mark Green, it’s “shitâ€.
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