The Price Point

By Holly Cara Price, Agent Provocateur and Head Snoop at Snoop* du Jour

Perhaps you did not know that on June 2, Paris Hilton got up, dusted herself off, and marched bravely back into Reality Show Wacko World for Season 2 of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. I understand. It’s been a busy summer, and we’re not even halfway through it.

All the gory, fascinating details of the Paris Hilton Franchise… after the jump

It’s been said that Paris Whitney Hilton is famous for being famous, and that she has fiendishly leveraged that ubiquity to get work as a model, actress, author, fashion designer, and singer.

Yes, ahem, well. Whatever we may call her, Paris is mostly a franchise, and the product she’s selling is proximity to her own crazy self.

Do you think Brittany Flickinger, her BFF from season one, thought she was entering a lasting relationship, or do you think she realized she was getting a temporary lease from Paris Friendship, Incorporated? Either way, just a few months after Flickinger won, she and Paris were through. Paris later told the press “I loved her, and I trusted her, but sometimes people get too caught up and they change.”

Right. Or perhaps another season loomed, so it was time to choose a new BFF all over again. Meanwhile, the show was picked up internationally, meaning Paris’ franchise is sweeping the world like McDonald’s. Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend premiered in January of this year, and she’s currently working on Paris Hilton’s Dubai BFF (see photo). Production on this version began last month, and the empire continues to grow, Tyra Banks style, with Russian, Australian, German, and Canadian
BFF shows in the early planning stages.

But why does this franchise succeed?  Well, it certainly fits into my favorite category of reality shows: It’s so unbelievably gross and weird, you can’t stop watching it. Just try it – I double dog dare you. It’s on MTV every Tuesday night at 10pm and is repeated ad nauseam during the week. This season started with 13 girls and a gay boy living together in a big mansion, the walls of which are liberally covered with huge arty photos of you know who. Every week, contestants suffer through a challenge (pole dancing, hosting a dinner party for PH’s family and friends, spending a night in jail, getting out of a car in a short skirt), and the loser of the week is sent home with a wave and a TTYN from Paris (as in “talk to you never” – duh!).

Paris also chooses a “pet” every week, and this person is made to dish on all the other housemates. Meanwhile, she’s now got a permanent pet in Onch, the androgynous girlboy who was one of last season’s contestants. He flits around telling the BFF hopefuls where they are going each week and what they’re doing.

This season has already had a number of notable moments. In episode one, Paris went undercover as one of the contestants so she could see how they conducted themselves without her there. In week 3, when one of the contestants (Katie) was eliminated for not looking good enough on the red carpet, she went apeshit and started swearing like a truckdriver at Paris. In week 5, the posse was awakened by police officers, thrown into a bus, and taken to prison, so they could see how their idol suffered during her brief 2007 prison term for a DUI. This was the most Fellini-esque episode, as the kids were made to wear pink silk pajamas in their cells, perform a triathalon in bikinis, and endure comments from the rap group Three 6 Mafia, who weighed in on the elimination as special guests.

And there was another week, I forget which one, where Paris sent someone home because her dog Tinkberbell snarled at them.

Just remember: You may be out of a job, broke, and homeless. You may have just broken up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Odds are several billion to one, however, that you’re not one of the reality show losers who has signed up to embarrass themselves in front of the world as a contestant on this show. So count your blessings and have a good weekend.