You guys, don’t judge a Charlie’s Angels movie by its cover. As in, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle might look terrible, but it’s actually really good.

To explain why Full Throttle is an overlooked masterpiece, I’m pleased to welcome Critical Condition reader Collin Hamrick. (You may remember his spin on the Michael Jackson commemorative plate.)

Take it away, Collin!

Oh Brawling Love!: Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
by Collin Hamrick

The wild kingdom is a dangerous place, but Mother Nature protects her children with warning signs. Wild colors, alarming noises, and offensive odors are all very effective ways for the natural kingdom to say, “STAY AWAY! YOU WILL BE HARMED.”

For movies, these warnings exist in the form of actors, directors, and subject matter, and when I saw a poster for Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, all I could see was a brightly colored frog, hourglass symbol on its belly, covered in thorns, emitting a loud rattling noise. And so I gave the wretched beast a wide berth, avoiding even exposing myself to the trailer for fear of a most painful death.

In doing so I almost missed out on something wonderful. How could I have known that my instincts were lying to me? Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle is fantastic and I am here to explain why.

Suspension of disbelief is a major part of any film, and most movies want you to believe that things make sense.  Full Throttle, however, offers no explanations, no grounding to justify anything that happens in its world. The Angels have an impossibly vast set of skills and knowledge, and almost every problem they encounter is something they have been perfectly trained for, no matter how bizarre. They’re expert martial artists, gymnasts, surfers, dirtbike racers, masters of disguise, welders, and world class dancers. They’re also living CSI labs with an encyclopedic knowledge of everything from limited edition Air Jordans to the chemical origin of contents in bird droppings. The movie so aggressively and intentionally defies logic, reason, and reality that the only thing I can do is laugh.

In a way, Full Throttle manages to parody action movie ridiculousness without condemning it, and that has a lot to do with the performances. The whole cast is amazing in that they are able to say and do the cheesiest things without winking at the audience, which is vitally important to maintaining the movie’s integrity. If the characters felt separated from the (un)reality of the movie, then they would become our avatar in a world that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. It would change the vibe from a celebration of goofiness to a mockery of it. It is because the characters accept the insanity of their world as normal that we are able to as well.

But as important as the quality of the performances are, they aren’t the only reason this movie is great. Credit also goes to everyone working behind the scenes. This is a movie that is essentially composed of wildly different set pieces joined together by the flimsiest of transitional exposition, yet it all fits together into an understandable plot with cohesive storytelling. Director McG should send some notes down to Michael Bay so that maybe the next Transformers movie won’t be so disjointed.

Speaking of Transformers, nothing is more infuriating that a big action scene rendered unwatchable by poor camerawork or editing. Full Throttle was filmed so that the audience can actually see what the hell is going on at all times. There is no lazy shaky cam to hide shoddy choreography. Instead, punches, kicks, and flips are all performed, shot and edited so that the flow of each fight is easily followed.

Full Throttle also features one of the most well-chosen soundtracks of any movie I’ve ever seen. McG’s history as a music video director shines, as he exhibits a keen sense of how to marry the right song with the right scene. There’s an action scene set to an Elton John song covered by Kid Rock and Nickelback, and it actually works. It’s absolutely baffling, but in the context of the movie it’s perfectly fine. In a time when most compilation-style soundtracks are chosen for what’s new and popular, Full Throttle‘s soundtrack is exciting because so many of the tracks are so unexpected that it feels that every song in the movie was chosen for a specific reason, and not just because they needed to have any old song playing.

Before I wrap this up, I have to take a moment to point out what I feel are the two standout performances of the movie. The first is Crispin Glover as the immaculately dressed, mute, hair-sniffing Thin Man. His role in the movie is fairly small, but he steals every scene he’s in due to just how freaking weird his performance is. Secondly, I have to give props to Demi Moore as the retired Angel Madison Lee. Perhaps the most over-the-top character in a movie that redefines what over-the-top means, Moore chews the scenery so magnificently that I found myself wishing that she were in every scene. She gets all the best hammy lines like “I was never good… I was great.” She lounges around in Victoria’s Secret underwear while wearing a full length fur coat and idly holding gold plated pistols large enough to be considered WMDs. She uses a sexy Wile E. Coyote flying suit. Everything about her character is pure genius.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle should have been awful. It was a sequel to a movie I didn’t care about, based on a TV show I never watched, by a director I didn’t like, and had a cast I had no faith in. Yet, despite all of these warning signs, it won me over with it’s direction, cast, humor, and action. Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle is a fun, well-made movie that will unfortunately forever struggle against people’s preconceived notions about it. It’s great people, go give it a chance.