Due to popular demand, I am offering an appendix to my recent countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts.

Now that we’ve tasted the cream of the crop, it’s time to suck the curd. Herewith, I present the eight worst songs that were foisted upon us in the aughts. Not just bad songs, but exceptionally bad songs.After you’ve recovered from the awful shock of hearing them, I look forward to your reactions.

8. “Loverboy” by Mariah Carey (2001)

The filmmaking, acting, and script aren’t the only things that make Glitter a terrible movie. The soundtrack plays an enormous role. If you want a distillation of Mariah Carey’s decade-launching meltdown, then listen to “Loverboy,” the single that was meant to announce both her acting career and her new record deal… and ended up becoming the canary in the coal mine of her professional life.

I mean, you can tell this song sucks within three seconds. There are just so many disparate sounds crashing together—screams, squeals, synth drums, and Mariah giving us a spelling lesson. It’s all downhill from there. The song has no structure to speak of, no melody, and an absolutely ludicrous cameo from, well, Cameo. (Strawberry! Raspberry!)

Carey has since turned her career around, and considering the response to Precious, even her film career could get resurrected. Good for her. She needed to distance herself from this disaster.

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7. “We Made You” by Eminem (2009)

As I’ve written, this song is a disasterpiece. The jokes aren’t funny, the chorus isn’t memorable, Eminem’s flow is off, and his voice is thin. It would be less aggravating if he weren’t capable of so much more.

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6. “Invisible” by Clay Aiken (2003)

Look, I love Clay Aiken’s voice. I even love “This is the Night,” his cheesy-yet-strangely-stirring song from the American Idol finale.

What I do not love is a song that tries to make stalking sound romantic. According to these (conveniently gender-free) lyrics, Clay’s fantasy is to secretly watch a lover in his/her room and then force him/her to go on a date. Gross.

It’s a shame how crazy Aiken went by the end of the decade. Retrospectively, this song seems like the first warning sign.

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5. “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” by Good Charlotte (2002)

With this track, Good Charlotte manages to be hypocritical, lazy, and lame at the same time.

First, it’s hypocritical to bitch about how the rich and famous have it easy when you yourself are rich and famous.

Second, it’s lazy to release the world’s 2 billionth song about celebrities.

Finally, it’s lame to posture as though your boilerplate rock song is genuinely rebellious, when it’s so clearly a marketing ploy designed to make middle schoolers spend money on your records. It’s also lame to make snotty references about out-of-date celebrity scandals (Marion Barry, O.J. Simpson). See, Eminem? You had evidence this was a bad idea!

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4. “Angels on the Moon” by Thriving Ivory (2008)

Since I declared it a disasterpiece in January, lots of people have written in to defend Thriving Ivory’s power ballad. And hey, more power to you if you like this song. But I just… don’t.

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3. “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” by Toby Keith (2002)

I know that some people really support Keith’s definition of patriotism, which insists that putting a boot in the ass of our enemies is the American way. And I’m not necessarily opposed to retaliation after we’ve been attacked.

However, I can’t get behind the kind of swaggering, proudly thoughtless violence this song passes off as loyalty.

Plus, Keith used “Courtesy” to lead his media charge against those “unpatriotic” Dixie Chicks. So… I guess being American means putting a boot in the ass of anyone who doesn’t agree with Toby Keith? Whatever, Tobes. Smell ya later.

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2. “American Life” by Madonna (2002)

Because I love so much of Madonna’s music, I gave this song multiple chances to win me over. But there’s no getting past the shallow lyrics. Madonna could have used this song to address the red-blue divide that was polarizing the country in 2005, but instead, she wrote about fame. Again.

And then there’s the verse where she raps about Pilates. Holy God.

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1. “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em (2007)

I guess this song could be worse. Like, it could cause cancer or something. But otherwise, it’s the pinnacle of crap. In a decade where tuneless hip-hop assaulted the airwaves, this song managed to be the most tuneless of all. Soulja Boy has no discernible gift for rapping. The production on this song is muddy, and the beat is… well… it’s something a child could create.

And yet “Crank That” was number one for seven weeks. And it bred imitators. And that’s unholy.