The Critical Condition’s Doug Strassler watched both parts of Whitney Houston’s appearance on Oprah. After his mind stopped reeling, this is what he made of it.

Whitney Houston: Didn’t She Almost Have It All

By DOUG STRASSLER

To paraphrase Stephen Sondheim, during this sorry-grateful summer of Michael Jackson mourning and worship, I’ve often thought about the musical idols I grew up with during the 1980s. That age of excess launched some of the biggest stars of all time. In addition to MJ, there was Prince, Madonna, George Michael, Janet, and Sting, and most weathered the ups and downs of the celebrity roller coaster. Massive success was followed by career disappointments, marred reputations, and cherished comebacks. Madonna, for example, released her infamous Sex coffee table book only to redeem herself with Evita and Ray of Light. It’s all part of the trajectory.

One of the biggest ‘80s icons, though, continues to rest on laurels from long ago. Consider Whitney Houston in the 1980s: Her 1985 debut album remains the best-selling debut album by a female artist. Her second studio album, Whitney, became the first album by a female artist to debut at number one. The Bodyguard soundtrack is the world’s best-selling soundtrack, and her “I Will Always Love You” cover took on a life of its own. It’s still the biggest selling single by a female artist and the biggest selling non-charity single ever. The Recording Industry Association of America ranks her as the fourth best-selling female artist in the countryl with 54 million certified albums, following only Barbra Streisand, Madonna, and Mariah Carey. She also holds the record having the most consecutive #1 songs, with seven.

But the bubbly hit maker of yore is gone. She’s only released two moderately successful albums in the last fifteen years, and her marriage to and divorce from Bobby Brown has made her a pop culture joke and tabloid fodder.

Which is why I was excited to see her promotion her new album I Look to You in a two-part appearance as the season-opening guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Would she talk about her old songs? Which drugs would she admit to using? Would O make her cry? How quotable would she be?

Unsurprisingly, O threw out a lot of compliments and softball questions. She continued to label Whitney as “The Voice,” though she never discussed her many early career hits. (And speaking of that voice: It was once as pure as the driven snow and sweet as honey,but now it’s a constant deep rasp.)

O spent most of the two episodes delving into Whitney’s marital problems, her decision to leave Bobby, and the substances both abused. There was no “crack is whack,” but here are some of the chestnuts that came from the interview:

*Whitney claimed that since she accomplished so much at the beginning of her career, she thought about running a fruit stand on a topical island for the rest of her life. Can you imagine ordering a mai tai only to be served by Whitney? Best vacation ever!

*She explained to O that she would lace her marijuana with base, leveling it off like rock cocaine. Eventually, O got it, exclaiming “Oh, okay!” like a third grader who just learned long division. (Ummm… I don’t get it. What does this mean? Sixty-four divided by eight is eight! — Mark)

*She painted Bobby as an emotionally abusive force, claiming he drew eyes that would watch her from her bedroom walls, floor, rug and closet.

*Bobby once slapped her, and even spat on her. But Whitney said she wasn’t threatened; when he slapped her, she hit him back three times upside the head. She said that Bobby knew better than to cross the line: “I have two brothers…don’t do that or they won’t be able to find you.”

*Whitney admitted that when she wasn’t working, she used drugs daily. Sometimes she also locked herself in her room for days watching television, listening to gospel music, and reading the Bible. (Maybe she was just waiting until they reran her Silver Spoons guest appearance?)

*She said that drugs were her way of cheating, but Bobby carried on with many women. “It disturbed me,” Whitney said in full Fatal Attraction fashion, and admitted that she caught him charging his affairs on their credit card. This put “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” in a very different light.

*O asked Whitney whom she loved. It sounded like she was asking her to mention fellow singers, but instead of saying Aretha or Stevie Wonder, Whitney name checked The Lord, her family, and Oprah herself.

*At the end of the second day, several people, including Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion and cousin Dionne Warwick paid tribute to Whitney. However, I have no idea what they said because all I could think of was how Warwick is now a dead ringer for E.T.

And then there was the part that actually gave me chills. O asked Whitney how she felt about MJ’s passing, and amid the usual encomiums, she said something I have never heard anyone say in reference to him in my life. She referred to him as “Mike.” There was an intimacy there. This is someone who was clearly an insider, who knew him, at least at one point, better than most. And now, nearly a quarter-century after both Michael and Whitney reached the stratosphere, one is gone and the other’s career verges on extinction. Bot are victims to varying degrees of ego and drug use.

It’s easy to make fun of the hot mess that is Whitney Houston, but there’s real tragedy there. The Voice, as O dubbed her in the 1980s, has lost her voice forever. She claims to be drug-free and ready to be best known for the music again, but who knows? It’s a great sign that she’s left Bobby Brown and that toxic marriage behind, but if he’s her drug, as Whitney claimed, has she left the habit behind as well? Maybe this is all hype for her current album. Unlike all of the other fallen idols of her era (and I would throw Mariah into that mix), Whitney is the only superstar who hasn’t been resurrected in any way. The question remains, is she engineering the world’s slowest comeback, or is she still caught in a downward spiral?

Only time will tell what Whitney’s ultimate legacy is, and if she has any great songs left to sing. But one thing’s for sure, Miss Houston: The ride with you was worth the fall, my friend, and (say it with me) I will always love you.

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