Look, I am a total cat person. Cats are the only pets I’ve ever had, and when I was growing up, my family always gave them Christmas presents.
But there have to be limits. As much as our pets feel like family members, they are not actually people. They don’t have opinions about the color of the sweaters we force them into. They can’t follow the plot of the stories we tell them about our day. And they damn sure can’t differentiate between an appetizer and a main course.
Fancy Feast wants us to think they can, however. It has just launched a new line of gourmet cat food called Fancy Feast Appetizers, which means that for $1.29 a pop, you can feed your kitten 2 ounces of flaked skipjack tuna, steamed tilapia, or white meat chicken and shredded beef. And that’s before she dives into the main course of, I don’t know, boeuf bourguignon or the rodent she decapitated in the field behind your subdivision.
(more on this appetizer business…)
I understand, of course, that Fancy Feast’s brand is really about cat owners. It makes us feel good if we spend a little extra on Trumple’s dinner, because it convinces us we’re taking better care of him. When we serve him an extravagent meal, we have tangible evidence that we know how to love. It doesn’t matter that Trumple could just as easily subsist on shrews and bugs, any more than it doesn’t matter that a six month-old baby can’t tell the difference between a $29 onesie from Baby Gap and an artfully tied Hefty bag. We feel comforted by pampering the tiny creatures in our care.
But do we really need to be serving cats courses? We can buy them expensive treats if we want, but can we acknowledge how silly it is to call them appetizers? Can we admit that this entire line of thinking could lead us to creating menus? Why, Professor Puffypaws! I can’t tell if you’re sniffing the chesseburger or the box of Meow Mix. I guess you’ll have both, you hungry boy!
Ahem. Yes.
My point is this: Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking the cat needs what Fancy Feast is selling.
For instance, there’s a Fancy Feast Appetizer that features seabass and shrimp. Have you ever seen a cat that enjoyed getting wet, much less a cat that was willing to dive into the ocean on a quest for shrimp cocktail?
If we really want to give cats an “appetizer” that’s consistent with their natural diet, then we should serve them an amuse bouche of ground mouse thighs drizzled with sparrow’s blood and served with a sprinkling of grass. But that wouldn’t seem like a fancy feast.
7 responses so far ↓
1 BHL // Oct 1, 2009 at 1:51 pm
As a certified Crazy Cat Lady (I have 5, I deserve capitalization), allow me to point out that 2 ounces of cooked meat is all that an adult cat needs in an entire freakin’ day (absent certain nutrients that are only found in raw meat, and which are generally added back into the meat cereals we feed our cats.)
Hell, my fat ass cats get 1/2 cup of “weight management” dry and 1/4 cup of wet food a day and they are still fat ass cats. (of course, the skinny cats eat the same diet and remain skinny. Go figure.)
I’ve been known to obtain ground up raw organic meats for them as a special treat, but that’s their entire meal.
If people would stop falling for this shit, the animals would be a lot healthier.
2 Madge // Oct 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I love cats, and now I wish that my apartment allowed pets so that I could own Trumple and Professor Puffypaws. As it is, all the stranger-cats that I meet I name “Mr. Puffykins.” It works for me, and they don’t seem to notice.
3 Laura Mc. // Oct 1, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I saw this commercial, and I was like What?!
I’ve got nothing.
Dog-person.
4 cayenne // Oct 1, 2009 at 10:11 pm
I had the same reaction when I saw the ads for Beneful for dogs. Peas? Carrots? WTF? I mean, dogs will eat anything that smells even remotely like food: live, dead, moving slowly, or unidentifiable mass congealing on the sidewalk, so why bother with gourmet stews?
And for cats? Please. My cat gets vet-sourced chow that costs more than my own food does. I do not need to buy Fancy Feast’s endangered fish species cat food to know that I’m feeding my cat appropriately.
5 Collin H // Oct 5, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I would gladly give my cat appetizers if it would mean that he’d stop stalking my plate during MY dinner. My plate of chicken-fried steak and frosting belongs to me and me alone!
6 Stef // Feb 25, 2010 at 4:59 am
I just saw a commercial for these silly cat appetizers, and I had to take to the web to find some appropriate scoffing. You delivered! Thank you!
7 Clover // Nov 6, 2010 at 4:31 am
My cat actually goes INSANE for these. She doesn’t even like regular fancy feast, let alone any cat food different than what she’s used to. Its like cat crack.
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