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Proposed Spin-Off — “Project Runway: Bitches”

November 10th, 2009 · 11 Comments

project runway

It’s a generally accepted fact that this season of Project Runway has been dumps. Boring challenges, sub par designers, and the parental-abandonment-level absence of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia have rubbed a lot the sequins of the show’s glittery gown.

That said, it’s still a hundred times better than The Fashion Show.

And this season has added another sister to the family of Project Runway Bitches… those contestants who take such pleasure in hating on challenges and other designers that they almost seem superhuman.

By my count, there are now eight PRBs, which is enough to launch a spin-off special. So get cracking, Weinstein Company! Get Project Runway: Bitches into production! Think of the catty remarks! The whispered treacheries in the sewing room! The fake laughter as everyone pretends to be friends!

Here are your contestants, in order of bitchiness…

victorya-hongContestant: Victorya Hong

Season: 4

Why She Qualifies: Victorya could not be bothered with the Eye Candy challenge, where contestants were asked to design using items from a candy store. She basically rolled her eyes at her dress form until some fabric appeared on it. In the Even Designers Get the Blues challenge, where everyone had to repurpose denim, she acted first like a guerilla warrior, practically knocking people down to get fabric, and then like a snotty child, insisting that she was not going to do anything but make a boring coat. Because refusing to care is the best way to stick it to the man.


wendy pepperContestant: Wendy Pepper

Season: 1

Why She Qualifies: If I were pitching Project Runway: Crazypants, then Wendy Pepper would be declared the winner in advance. She’s also a PRB, however, because of those cackling-with-glee testimonials where she described her eeeevil plots to sabotage the other designers. She hadn’t figured out that Project Runway wasn’t Survivor.

zulemanewContestant: Zulema Griffin

Season: 2

Why She Qualifies: “It’s a motherfuckin’ walk-off.”

laura-bennett-704212Contestant: Laura Bennett

Season: 3

Why She Qualifies: Laura won a permanent place in my heart when she learned she was pregnant for the sixth time and said she would just throw the kid on the pile with the rest. Add that blasé response to her stiffly formal personal wardrobe (for her, “casual” means “riding pants”) and you get the ne plus ultra of patrician disapproval.

TerriContestant: Terri Stevens

Season: 5

Why She Qualifies: When she wasn’t designing amazing, underappreciated outfits, Terri was always good for a withering insult. Her highpoint came when she wasn’t sure if Suede was packing “balls or vajayjay.” I know you weren’t, girl, and I thank you for telling me about it.

santinoContestant: Santino Rice

Season: 2 (plus the All Stars challenge)

Why He Qualifies: Santino clearly enjoys spilling his bitchiness onto everyone else’s cafeteria tray. His blend of assholery, self-loathing, and narcissism makes him insufferable yet fascinating.

irina 2Contestant: Irina Shabayeva

Season: 6

Why She Qualifies: You can see Irina’s joy when she waltzes over to Carol Hannah to say mean shit about Althea. You can smell her satisfaction when she disses people on the runway. And you can hear the disgusted grunts of a million viewers when she pretends to be rilly good friends with all the models. We’re on to you, honey. The second one of those models gains six pounds, you will buy an ad in the school paper to announce she’s a fat slut.

kenley collinsContestant: Kenley Collins

Season: 5

Why She Qualifies: Her fakey-fake laugh, deluded belief that her life was tragic, and preternatural ability to be rude to Tim Gunn would have gotten Kenley on this list. She’s on the very top because after her season aired, she got arrested for throwing a cat at her boyfriend. Oh, and because she doesn’t mention Project Runway anywhere on her personal website.

Tags: Television

11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Michael // Nov 10, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    (Closes eyes, shakes head, sighs . . . )

  • 2 Rube Goldberg // Nov 10, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Keith Michael isn’t disqualified from this too, is he? His whining about the dog costume challenge was beyond irritating.

  • 3 Pristine // Nov 10, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    I don’t know about Irina ranking so high. Wendy Pepper would definitely tie with Kenley Penley for me. Irina seems evil only compared to the blandness of everyone else, but she’s not even fun to hate.

  • 4 Destiny // Nov 10, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    First I have to say that when I read the title of the piece, I though you were proposing a spin off where the designers would create clothes for dogs.
    Second, I think this list is a little sexist. What about Keith Michael and Jeffrey Sebelia from season 3? Jeffrey made someone’s mother cry, as I recall and he was always saying mean things, and Keith whined all the time.

    I think Irina is the meanest contestant in Project Runway history, she never has anything positive to say about anyone else and even though I think she is the best designer, I do not want her to win.

  • 5 Mark Blankenship // Nov 10, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Hi Destiny — I wavered on the Jeffrey question. I concede he may very well deserve a spot. But Keith… well, he was whiny, but not evil.

  • 6 Laura Mc. // Nov 10, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Kenley is so annoying.. in a way that I would watch her flail about on TV for many hours.

  • 7 Bev // Nov 10, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    a fine list.

    But there are more PRBs to be discovered and exposed. Youtube has PR seasons from Britain, Malaysia, Australia; I forget the other countries, but there is the warming combination of bizarre challenges, catty comments, competition, hostility, and even some good vs ghastly design.
    Hours of fun!

    How DO the British designers drink so much every night and pull themselves out of bed the next day to those OMG! competitions?

  • 8 Holly // Nov 10, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    oh baby oh baby. LOVE this list. and you know i scope PR like a hawk ~ you’ve outdone yourself Mark B.

  • 9 Amanda // Nov 10, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    Though my conflict-averse personality means I could never actually watch the show, I think the concept is a real moneymaker.

    And I would throw a cat right at Kenley’s face in a HEARTBEAT. If I weren’t conflict-averse, that is.

  • 10 Ricky // Nov 11, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    I love this idea! I think Michael Kors should replace Heidi as the host, too–no one can serve a bitchy observation better than her.

  • 11 floretbroccoli // Nov 11, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    Zulema has a second reason: “You can cut and cry, but you have to cut and cry.”

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