Even when physical magazines go the way of the rotary phone—and that can’t be more than five years away, right?—Roommate Joe and I hope that Entertainment Weekly still produces a newsstand copy of its year-end issue. You know, the one where they anoint the top entertainers of the year with fancy photo spreads and essays, and then present all the critics’ picks for the best and worst of the last twelve months (that’s last year’s cover shown above). That issue, along with the annual Oscar nominees spotlight, arrives in our mailbox like a gift from pop culture heaven.

And because we are geeks passionately invested in the culture, Roommate Joe and I have decided to predict some of the artists whom EW will choose for this year’s issue, which should arrive in the middle of December. That’s right: We’re calling it early. Boom!

We’re also throwing down predictions for the magazine’s annual list of “Great Performances.” It gets its own issue these days, but in our hearts, it will always be part of the year-in-review spectacular.

And of course, we want to know what you think. Are we right? Wrong? Missing an obvious candidate? Who among us will predict the future?

THE ENTERTAINERS

Michael Jackson

We’re predicting not only that Jackson will be on EW’s year-end list, but also that he’ll be gracing the cover as entertainer of the year. First, there are the hard facts: His album Number Ones is the second-best seller of the year (behind only Taylor Swift’s Fearless), he sold a gazillion digital singles, and both This Is It and its soundtrack have done well. Those commercial achievements are impressive by themselves, so when you add the most high-profile, media-saturated celebrity death of the decade (sorry, Heath), you get a clear front runner. Expect several contemplative essays about Jackson’s legacy and at least one pie chart involving his record sales.

Taylor Swift

More than the debates over health care, the rash of celebrity deaths, or the sickening nightmare of John & Kate Plus 8, 2009 will be remembered as the year we could not stop defending Taylor Swift. Who knew our culture could get this up in arms over a child getting interrupted? But up in arms we got! And as a result, you’re gonna have a hard time throwing an awards show or handing out an accolade without recognizing our favorite squinty-eyed blonde warbler. Your strength is inspiring, Taylor! You just keep your hands off that werewolf!

Lady Gaga

We give, alright? Lady Gaga’s singles and outfits and irony and damn fine singing voice just cannot be denied. Even though one of us resisted her for months (ahem… Mark), we’ve both capitulated to her now. No doubt a certain magazine will follow suit.

Adam Lambert

No one seems to be talking about his music, which is not a good omen for his presence on next year’s list, but for now, everyone is talking about his sparkly exploits.

The Cast of True Blood

The summer seems like such a long time ago, and it’s possible this show will get bumped to the “Great Performances” list while Twilight takes the vampire slot in the Big Twelve, but given Blood’s creative spike and its remarkable success on DVD and in the ratings, it could squeak through.

The Black Eyed Peas

They spent six consecutive months at #1 on the singles chart. ‘Nuff said.

Ryan Murphy and the cast of Glee

This show may be infuriatingly inconsistent, but it’s also impossible to ignore. Success on both television and the pop charts should make it a lock. (Don’t be surprised to see Jane Lynch on the performances list, too.)

Sandra Bullock

Sandy might have notched herself a spot on EW‘s list for The Proposal alone. Female-driven box-office winners get celebrated, particularly when the engine making them run is over 40. All About Steve was bad enough to take the bloom off that rose, but then here comes The Blind Side, a decidedly mediocre (at best) movie that’s elevated significantly by Bullock’s strong, funny performance. It’s the stuff Golden Globe nominations—and EW recognitions— are made of.

The Cast of Twilight: New Moon

After the year of intense coverage EW has given these morose creatures of the night, it’d be silly to stop now.

Lee Daniels and the cast of Precious

Precious has already grabbed the mantle as The Serious Film of Choice for 2009. Expect to see it pop up often on year-end lists (and probably a few gun-jumping decade-end lists too). There’s a chance Gabourey Sidibe and/or Mo’Nique will end up on the Great Performances list, but director Lee Daniels is enough of an emerging talent that we think they’ll all get lumped together as Entertainers.

James Cameron

The only way Cameron and Cameron’s Giant Ego don’t make this list is if Avatar is a giant bomb. And since the year-end issue will be sent to print before the movie even opens, we’re betting on a speculative féte for the man who gave us True Lies.

J.J. Abrams

While an early-summer crowd-pleaser like Star Trek can seem like a billion years ago, it stands as the one major-studio action blockbuster to deliver on both action and cash money. There’s a chance they decide to go with the young cast — Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, et cetera — but we’re sticking with Abrams.

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THE  PERFORMANCES

* Carey Mulligan in An Education

* Joel McHale in Community

* The cast of Modern Family

* Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart

* The cast of The Hangover

* Chloë Sevigny in Big Love

* Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie

* Meryl Streep in Julie and Julia and It’s Complicated

* Alec Baldwin in It’s Complicated

* Matt Damon in The Informant! and Invictus

* Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Basterds

* Neil Patrick Harris at The Tony Awards

* Mélanie Laurent in Inglourious Basterds