If you were trying to launch a music career, and you decided to make decisions based on what the American Idol judges say while they’re commenting on the live performance episodes, then you would implode.
Because, seriously… I’ve been digging through the archives, and in the entire history of the world, there has never been a group of people more fickle than these judges, up to and including the 19th-century French monarchs.
Need proof? Take a look at this lesson I learned form last night’s episode, when the Top 12 men boys guys performed for our votes for the first time:
Don’t reinterpret a song, but don’t do a soundalike version, either. Except when it’s the right thing to do.
(SPOILERS AHEAD)
When Todrick Hall reimagined “Since U Been Gone” as a funk boutique, the judges went for his throat. They were like, “We can’t recognize the melody! We don’t know what you’re singing! You can’t change it up that much!”
But then when Lee Dewyze reconfigured “Chasing Cars” to be a range-y anthem, Simon Cowell praised him for putting a fresh spin on a familiar hit. He even called back to David Cook, who, like Adam Lambert and Chris Daughtry, constantly reshaped songs until they sounded totally new… and then got praised for it. When Todrick heard Lee get praised for David Cooking it, do you think he blew a blood vessel in is eye?
And yes, I understand that there’s “reshaping a song” and “reshaping it well,” but when the judges were commenting, they didn’t make that distinction. They just lurched from “don’t do that, ever” to “good for doing that!”
On the flip side, the panel spat on Tyler Grady for hewing too close to the 70s-rock feel of “American Woman” and for coming across as too “copycat seventies ” in his entire persona. I agree about the lameness of his I-don’t-know-who-I-am-so-I’ll-be-these-people-instead devotion to bellbottom rock, but in an episode where the judges lambaste a contestant for mixing things up too much, it’s almost laughable that they would also bust on a dude for not changing things enough.
Oh! And what about Casey James, who’s cover of Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” sounded exactly like the original but with fewer drums? The judges grossly spilled their “we want to sex you” juice all over him, and then they told him that his copycatting made him a distinctive artist. AAAAAGH!
I’m sure that in their minds, the judges know why they’re saying each of these things, and I’m sure they could explain to me how they aren’t actually being contradictory and incomprehensible. But from where I’m sitting, it seems like they’re all just spouting some fancy-sounding words to cover the fact that half the time, they don’t really know what they’re looking for.
Sure, they can point out when someone seems uncomfortable on stage or sounds like a wailing cat, and that’s helpful. But when they start analyzing the ineffable stuff like “song choice” or  ”originality,” I think they’re trying to quantify an unquantifiable thing. I think they’re sitting back and looking for the X factor (ahem), and they just know it in their guts when they see it. However, they’re not allowed to go on their guts… at least not when they critique on live television. They’ve got to sound like they’ve got insta-wisdom. So instead of saying “Dude, I don’t know why, but I hated that,” they invent some loopy calculus about the perfect song and the perfect way to arrange it. They create standards that can’t apply from one singer to the next because they’re aren’t real standards to begin with.
7 responses so far ↓
1 Roommate Joe // Feb 25, 2010 at 11:41 am
Well, there’s no way I can argue about the Idol judges being fickle and changing their minds sometimes within the same critique. They’ve always been that way, and it’s never not frustrating.
But I have to say, I did appreciate that they are starting to draw a distinction and acknowledging that the mere fact of changing a song’s arrangement doesn’t necessarily make it better.
I appreciated the guts of a guy like Todrick to Bobby-Brown up a Kelly Clarkson jam, but he DID lose the melody and it DIDN’T sound good, and while I’ll take Todrick’s failed ambition over the Joe Munozes and Alex Lamberts (and I suspect America will too, at least for this week), I’m glad the judges are at least saying that merely scrambling a song up isn’t enough.
Is stripping down “Heaven” and “Chasing Cars” an easier task than essentially rebuilding “Since U Been Gone” or “Sugar, We’re Going Down” from the ground up? Probably so. But at some point, it does boil down to “Was that pleasing to my ear-holes?” And if Todrick or Andrew Garcia come back next week and blow it out (BLOW IT OUT THE BOX! I’M RANDY!), I do think the ambition shown this week should (and very well could) count in their favor.
2 galonso84 // Feb 25, 2010 at 4:17 pm
So, yeah, Todrick’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” was a mess – not just because the melody was unrecognizable, but because the new instrumentation and “feel” just didn’t go well with the song.
Lee Dewyze did do a better job of changing up the pace and feel of the song. But why on earth didn’t the judges note that he didn’t follow the original melody AT ALL? It really bothered me – he completely re-did the original melody (seriously, go listen to that performance again and sing the actual song while you watch it – I don’t think there’s a single note in common during the chorus). It’s one thing to re-interpret and play around with a melody, but he’s supposed to be covering a song – not making up a new one based on just the lyrics and chords. On this level, his performance really bothered me, and it’s weird that the judges barely mentioned this.
Re: Casey James: The sex-symbol spiel is ridiculous. He’s not even cute. Or fit. Which I wouldn’t care about if the judges/producers weren’t trying to hammer his sex-appeal into my brain (ugh). And did anyone notice he has a weird high-frequency vibrato on every single sustained note? He kinda sounds like a goat.
But then, compared to the rest of the top 12 guys? Lee’s and Casey’s performances were probably the best ones. It was all kinds of dreadful dreadful, so I’m hoping they get better fast – if it wasn’t for Crystal Bowersox, I’d be close to tuning the season out for good.
3 ferretrick // Feb 26, 2010 at 7:18 am
Crystal Bowersox is definitely the only reason I’m watching. I think this might be the weakest 24 ever-and the guys are SO bad, its almost like they stacked it to insure a female winner this time.
Still, this brings up an interesting question-does Todrick get some kind of credit for arguably having the most difficult job? More than Casey, who sang better, but gave a by the numbers karaoke performance? I’m not paying much attention to the Olympics, but doesn’t skating have something where they are graded on how difficult the program is and how well its executed?
4 David D. // Feb 26, 2010 at 9:03 am
Well, the judges aren’t giving number-scored critiques, so there’s no need to quantify degree of difficulty — much as yeah, it should be a factor. But bottom line, as Roommate says above, is: Does it sound good? Todrick’s didn’t. Lee’s (kinda) did. I give Todrick points for guts, though. I don’t know what kind of Sanjaya Factor points Tim Urban got.
And I’ll add my vote to the chorus above: At least compared with the past four seasons, THIS …. is your WORST TOP 24 EVER!
5 ferretrick // Feb 26, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Seriously. Forget about whether the show is in trouble because of Simon or Paula leaving, or because Kara sucks, or anything to do with the judges.
The show is going to be in trouble because its about to put on an ENTIRE SEASON without one contestant with real star potential.
6 Mark Blankenship // Feb 27, 2010 at 1:15 am
UPDATE:
I just rewatched the male performances with Andrew, who hadn’t seen them yet. My God… they ALL suck. They such much worse than I remembered. Every single one of them is either out of tune or boring… usually both. So picking the “good one” is really a matter of picking the “least bad one.” If I didn’t have money riding on this season, then I would be o-u-t. And I might be out anyway.
7 David // Apr 7, 2010 at 11:06 pm
^ I dunno. I kinda like the Janis Jopliny girl. She has soul. Industrial soul, but soul. But then again, I’m not really watching this season.
It was stupid to get rid of Paula. She was obviously the worst judge, but watching her all cracked out was highly entertaining. And if I ever had to sing in front of judges, I would want Paul there:
“David…you have this…wonderful sparkle about you. And everywhere you go, you bring that special Davidness that is just…you. So just keep doing what you do, because America loves you.”
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