Yes! It’s the end of the year, which means I have a good excuse for counting down a list of awesome songs. (You may have noticed that I really enjoy doing that.) Fortunately for my list-making, song-ranking heart, 2010 has dropped a bevy of musical jewels in my lap. Or in my earphones. Or directly into my ear. You know what I mean.
Over the next few days, I’m going to count down the Top 40 Songs of 2010. But first, just to purify the altar, I’m going sacrifice the Bottom 7. Can you handle remembering the worst music of the last year? Then let’s go!
(Note: This list includes songs that I became aware of this year, though some of them were released in 2009. But what can you do? A hooker can’t hear everything.)
(7) “Giddy On Up” by Laura Bell Bundy
Laura Bell Bundy is a talented singer and songwriter who first rose to fame as a Broadway star, and she rightfully earned a Tony nomination for originating the role of Elle Woods in the musical adaptation of Legally Blonde. Homegirl has chops, obviously, and she also has the sense of humor to star in a video like this.
So why in the world would she make her major label country debut with a song like “Giddy On Up,” which is all kinds of shrill and not nearly as a funny as it wants to be? Heaven help us all!
(6) “We R Who We R” by Ke$ha
Girl, no. It’s bad enough that the video for this song is basically a commercial for some tequila I don’t drink and some skank-ass dating website whose very name implies lesbian prison porn. Remember when videos had a reasonable chance of being played on MTV and so had to adhere to the channel’s insistence that no brands be shown on screen? This video proves what an wonderful rule that was. With no such restrictions on her “creative expression,” Ke$ha completes her transformation into a pure factory product, delivering brand messages, focus-grouped hooks, and ad-ready jingles.
And no jingle is more horrifying, frankly, than this cacophony. Millions of people across the globe may be buying into her bratty vacuousness and her tuneless assault on the ears, but I’m guessing that in a few years, Ke$ha’s songs (with one exception, to be discussed later) will at best be shameful pleasures and at worst be the excuse that Martians use when they destroy our planet.
(5) “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull
I have recently bemoaned the sluttening of Enrique Iglesias, but frankly, I could handle the filthy come ons if they were just creatively. Here, however, Enrique’s naughty phrases are so generic that they barely get my attention. And that’s not sexy, y’all. Not sexy at all.
(4) “OMG” by Usher featuring will.i.am
“OMG” made me retroactively dislike Usher’s first hit, “You Make Wanna.” Though it may have returned him to the top of the charts, it also demonstrates his apparent disinterest in ever growing or changing. He sang of booty then, he sings of booty now. and if you believe his recent Behind The Music episode, then he will sing of booty forever. Granted, will.i.am’s characteristically hooky production makes this song more distinctive than most, but that just means its utter sameness all the more frustrating. I mean, I don’t really love the new Black Eyed Peas single “The Time (Dirty Bit),” but I certainly can’t say it echoes everything the Peas have done before. You’d think will.i.am could bring some of the same magic to Usher’s tracks.
(3) “This Is Country Music” by Brad Paisley
At its best, country music tells stories that provoke authentic emotion and/or evoke authentic characters and places. At its worst, however, it creates nauseating kitsch, reducing rural America to a collection of postures, stock phrases, and Jesus references. In Country Kitsch, the American Heartland becomes a fictionional society that demands to be worshipped. You can almost hear the songs insisting that we sing along without question… that we accept the portrait of America being presented to us, or else.
The truth, of course, is that Country Kitsch negates the very “authenticity” it supposedly supports. The tales of Jesus, guns, and rebels ultimately sound the same, suggesting songwriters who are less interested in expressing something honest than in pandering to a fanbase narcotized by cheap emotion. It’s all so phony that it makes me cringe. (Of course, every genre of music has its kitsch, its depiction of a “good society” that can’t be questioned. Just look at Hip-Hop Kitsch, for instance, which won’t allow anyone to question the values of bling, or Hipster Rock Kitsch, which insists that disenchantment is the only true path. But since I’m from Tennessee, and grew up around country music, Country Kitsch bothers me more. )
Now, Brad Paisley may actually believe everything he sings in his new single “This Is Country Music,” which strokes listeners’ egos by feeding them lines like “tellin’ folks that Jesus is the answer can rub ‘em wrong” and “this is real, this is your life in a song.” In fact, I’m going to assume he does believe his lyrics, since he always seems so awesome in interviews. But by turning these beliefs into a checklist of bumper-sticker mottos (love for soldiers, mama, and God? Check-check-check!), he cheapens everything he’s trying to say.
(2) “Like a G6″ by Far East Movement featuring Cataracs and Dev
Oh lord, I have tried to like this song. I have tried to dig on its electro-pop vibe. I have tried because I can intellectually appreciate that it’s well-produced and hooky. But forgive me, Lord, because I can’t take it. It sounds like noise to me, like utter utter noise, and as I’ve increasingly had to accept this year, that probably means I’m just too old to be cool. But I can’t change my very nature, and I choose to believe I wouldn’t have liked this thing when I was seventeen, either.
(1) “Firework” by Katy Perry
Apparently, the low, croony notes and the high, belty notes in this song are out of Perry’s range, because she sounds terrible on both of them. The sonic punishment of her foghorn vocals would put Perry on this list, but she tops it by daring to imply that she’s all about letting people be who they want to be. I call bullshit on your empowerment anthem, KayKay, because it was just two years ago that you were mocking someone for being “so gay,” even though he didn’t like boys; toying with some lesbian because you wanted your man to watch you kiss her; and chastising said man because he PMS’d “like a bitch.”
I’d say those songs make you come across like a judgmental twerp who pretends to be rebellious but is actually so obsessed with the status quo that you viciously mock anyone who has the courage to go beyond it.
Oh, but you’re totally a rebel because you dress provocatively? Well, wearing tight Elmo t-shirts and strapping on a bra that shoots whipped cream isn’t rebellious. It’s typical. It’s totally in line with the role that society wants you to play. And so is mocking boys who act feminine and manipulating girls who like girls. One little power ballad about fireworks isn’t going to cover up the stench of bullying and fear that rises up off the rest of your work.
13 responses so far ↓
1 Lisa W // Dec 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm
I totally agree on Ke$ha. I feel totally irritated when I hear this song. And it is on ALL the time. As for Katy Perry- like you said, we KNOW this is not the real you. So it is a hard sell for me. After watching Katy on American Idol as a guest judge, I get a bitter taste in my mouth each time I see her on TV or hear her music. It was only an hour in my life, and I like some of her music ok, but I am always thinking of this. This may devestate her, but I would not pick her as a friend.
Usher- you got it. It all sounds the same. Same with Pit Bull. I liked “I Like It” and still do, but it is mind numbing. It is a good song when you have other things to think about and need a good background noise!
“Like a G-6″ actually appeals to me. It is for sure funky, and I dig it.
I haven’t heard the country songs and can’t listen at work, so I will take your word for it.
Good post. And I can’t believe we are nearly ready for 2011 songs.
2 Rube Goldberg // Dec 14, 2010 at 4:22 pm
The first time I heard “Firework” was when Brandy danced to it on DWTS. My reaction: I don’t recognize this song, and the singers 99% of the time sound awful, so I gave it a pass. Then I heard the original version. At least you can listen to the DWTS version. Yeesh.
3 Mark Blankenship // Dec 14, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Wait, Rube, I’m confused… Who sang it on DWTS? A house band? Weird!
And Lisa… I can’t believe it’s almost 2011 either. Wasn’t it just 2005, like, yesterday?
4 Rube Goldberg // Dec 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Yeah, instead of a track (like on So You Think You Can Dance) DWTS uses live musicians and house singers.
Also, the winner of The X Factor in the UK (Matt Cardle) performed the song in the final and his version sounded better than Katy’s.
I’m curious what other songs there are where the covers are generally better than the original.
5 Melvin // Dec 14, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Yay! I love your countdown of the best or worst. I agree with every song you listed except, ‘Firework’. Aside from Katy’s horrible, horrible live performances, I do like the song’s message. I compare it to Christina’s ‘Beautiful’ both are empowering, although Christina sings the hell out of her feel good anthem. I would add ‘California Gurls’ to your list, talk about some noise. I know it will probably go down as the biggest summer hit of 2010. But, the entire song is so generic.
6 Robin // Dec 14, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Thanks, as always, for covering country music. Country music isn’t my favorite genre but I grew up in Oklahoma and there’s a good deal of country music that I like. Brad Paisley puts out such bland music (Did you know he loves his wife? Really loves her. ). I think this might be the song he sang at the CMA awards, pretty sure I fast-forwarded through it. It’s been a while since he’s done anything that I really liked such as Whiskey Lullaby or Celebrity.
Don’t knock lesbian prison porn. Watching Prisoner Cell Block H was a formative experience. If only I’d recognized what it meant at the time.
7 Mark Blankenship // Dec 14, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Hi Robin! You are right… I shouldn’t have implied that I have no respect for lesbian porn outright. Those ladies work hard for their money, so I’d better treat them right.
And there’s plenty of country music in the countdown of songs I liked. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really found a lot to love in the genre.
Melvin… I’m not a huge fan of “California Gurls” either, but for whatever reason, it bothers me less.
8 JennyM // Dec 15, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I just really object on principle to the spelling of “Gurls” and pretty much the way “Ke$ha” spells anything. And I realize that makes me Oldine McOldperson, but at the advanced age of 33 I’m ok with that. It’s confusing, this gradual uncoolifying, because I don’t *want* to like “Like a G6″ (and had to ask my younger, cooler, sister what a “G6″ was anyway), but I have a sneaking suspicion that I do. It’s fun to listen to when I’m poppin’ bottles in the ice.
9 Mark Blankenship // Dec 15, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Jenny, that was YOU poppin’ bottles in the ice? I was so slizzered I didn’t recognize you. Of course, at 32, I’m barely old enough to hold my liquor.
10 Stewart // Dec 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Thank you for your take down of Katy Perry’s “Firework!” God, that’s been bugging me from the first time I heard the song. I would ask how she thought she’d get away with such blatant hypocrisy, but she DID get away with it! No one seems to be calling her on it, and its crazy-making. Well done!
11 LauraMac // Dec 15, 2010 at 5:10 pm
OK, so I asked this about Twilight, but I caught the convo too late.
In regards to Katy Perry’s single, which I will cop to finding catchy even if she sings it poorly, I am curious about the distinction between quality control and moral judgment.
Mark, do you dislike Katy because the quality of her music is poor, or do you dislike her because you find the content of her music offensive?
I think it is fine if the answer is both. I mean, it’s your blog.. but I wonder if that is something worth considering insofar as neutrality is supposed to be valuable in criticism.
And I will say this about Katy and pop artists in general: it is all for sale and it is all about what product commands the largest fan base and highest dollar. While it is possible that artistic integrity can coincide with profits, I rarely demand that the two “must.” As you have mentioned, P!nk has had some success here.. but I am unwilling to slam Katy for lacking depth or maturity or consistency. I never expected it of her to begin with.
12 Mark Blankenship // Dec 15, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Hi Laura,
I dislike “Firework” (and much of Perry’s output) for both aesthetic and personal reasons, and as a critic, I’m compelled to acknowledge both. Since I do have a strong personal reaction against Perry’s persona, I would be failing myself and my readers if I didn’t mention it in my review. If I left that factor out, I’d be feigning a neutrality I don’t actually feel, and thus, I’d be writing a false review.
More to the point, I’d argue that neutrality isn’t even possible in criticism. There are just different levels of emotional involvement. Your argument about not expecting maturity or consistency in any pop star is perfectly valid, but it isn’t neutral… it speaks directly to your emotional involvement in the work. Similarly, my frustration with Perry’s persona and mixed messaging (or with Pink’s, etc.) just signals my level of emotional involvement.
Besides, I don’t look for depth and consistency in every pop artist, and I’m well aware that huge swaths of any pop star’s output will be defined by commercialism. However, Perry specifically positions herself as a moral voice (through her songs, her Twitter account, etc.), and she’s been doing it even more since the release of “Firework.” This positioning is just as much a part of her “work” as her songs, and it’s certainly valid for critique.
13 InfoMofo // Dec 22, 2010 at 2:43 pm
I actually do like Like a G-6, even though I have know idea what they’re talking about, and I’d probably get slizzard if I asked someone.
And unlike Ke$ha, Katy, Usher, their song is at least fun to listen to, even if it’s distractingly of-the-moment.
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