It’s the final countdoooown! Here it is folks, the last installment of The 101 Best Songs of the Aughts.

Thanks for all your comments and feedback. They’ve inspired me to keep going with a project that has proven to be incredibly time consuming and incredibly rewarding.

(To see the entire countdown, go here.)

5. “Jesus Walks” by Kanye West (2004)

Is Kanye West an arrogant jerk who doesn’t know when to shut the hell up? Yes. Is he also an exhilarating artist? Yes. Yes. Triple yes.

Just listen to the sound of “Jesus Walks.” He pauses the beat to make strangled gasps. He weaves a choir and a church soloist together with slashes of strings. He underscores throbbing bass beats with ominous chants. The track is insistent and alive, and it’s matched by lyrics that are wounded, passionate, and funny (“Regis/Jesus”).

West’s antics are distracting, but for his personality to truly overshadow his music, he’d have to dress up like a Girl Scout and stage a food fight in Ethiopia.

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4. “Joey” by Sugarland (2008)

Jennifer Nettles has the perfect voice for “Joey’s” story. A woman mourns her boyfriend’s death in a car crash, wondering if she could’ve done something to stop it. She chastises herself for not taking his keys, for not going with him, for not being there as he lay dying. She chastises herself for falling in love. And then in the chorus, too choked with feeling to keep making sentences, she just says she’s sorry, sorry, sorry.

Nettles communicates that pain with evocative phrasing and paint-peeling wails. Bandmate Kristian Bush supports her with Springsteen-style rock. Meanwhile, the ghosts of every teen angel and leader of the pack give a thumbs up to Sugarland for keeping this particular songwriting tradition alive.

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3. “Be Mine!” by Robyn (2005)

Remember back at #21 when I said that “Handle Me” came from tough-girl Robyn? Well, “Be Mine!” comes from heartbreak Robyn.

If you don’t know this song, then I recommend listening to it twice in a row. It takes that long for the insistent rhythm and the chanted chorus to really sink it. And then they’ll stay in your brain for days.

Also… keep an ear open for the spoken-word bridge, where Robyn describes an inconsequential moment that breaks her heart into six million pieces. We’ve all been wounded by a single word or fleeting expression.The tiniest shards of glass go deepest under the skin.

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2. “No Children” by The Mountain Goats (2002)

A song with so much anger that it becomes funny and scary at the same time, “No Children” has been holding me by the lapel for years. Check the bottom of this essay for all the reasons I love it. And then go back to savoring those lyrics. And that raw, raw feeling.

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1. “Not Ready to Make Nice” by Dixie Chicks (2006)

“Not Ready to Make Nice” is a great song, a superlative song. It’s musically exciting, especially during the bridge, when Natalie Maines’ voice soars over all those drums and violins. As always with the Chicks, the harmonies and musicianship are impeccable, and the lyrics are astute.

But there are 100 other superlative songs on this list. “Not Ready to Make Nice” is number one because it’s not only a great work of art, but also a bold political act.

In the wake of the anti-Obama tea party protests, and people toting guns to Obama’s speeches, and parents refusing to let their children hear Obama speak, it is embarrassing to remember that so many people were outraged when Natalie Maines said she was ashamed that George W. Bush was from Texas.

Back in 2003, however, when the war was just starting and the neocon culture was at its peak, there was no way a country artist could dis Dubya. Eddie Vedder could impale a Dubya mask on a microphone stand, but that was different. That was a liberal rock star preaching to the choir. But country music—and especially county radio—was a bastion for songs about unquestioning patriotism. It was a haven for conservative ideology. (It still is.)

So when Maines made her statement in front of a London crowd, she threw boiling water in the face of the industry that supported her. She had the right to do it, of course, and country radio and country fans had the right to react how they wanted. You can’t publicly express yourself without accepting the possibility that somebody won’t like it. (Nobody had the right to threaten Maines’ life, but I’ll get to that in a second.)

It’s important to remember, though, that Maines’ statement was an accidental flashpoint. She didn’t know it would unleash a shitstorm. On the other hand, “Not Ready to Make Nice,” the lead single off the Chicks’ first album after the controversy, is a carefully planned statement.

And that statement is, “Screw you, you so-called fans and so-called Americans. I’m not going to apologize for having an opinion, and you should be dog-damned ashamed for threatening to kill me and teaching your children to hate me because I said something you didn’t want to hear.”

That’s an act of artistic bravery. The Chicks defined their principles, stood their ground, and refused to pretend they were fine. Instead of making nice with the country music world—a world that probably would have taken them back, since by the time the song was released, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw were openly chastising Bush over the Katrina debacle—instead of making nice with that world, they decided to call it on the carpet. They railed against the very industry that made the famous and made them rich, all so they could say what they thought was right.

Even classic country rebels like Waylon Jennings and George Jones never rebuked their community. They got their status because they rebelled against the parts of America that their base ostensibly hated. They rejected societies that seemed to look down on the blue collar and/or Southern fans who drive country music’s revenue.

By slamming New York City or fancypants rich people, the classic country rebels told their audience what they wanted to hear. They suggested that simply by being working class or Southern, their listeners were outlaws.

That’s rebellious in a way, but Haggard and Jones weren’t risking anything with their behavior. The Dixie Chicks, however, told their audience what they didn’t want to hear. Instead of flashing the “screw you” sign at New York, they flashed it at Tennessee.

They paid a steep professional price. Their last album, Taking the Long Way, was hardly a flop, but it sold significantly less than their previous records. It also never generated a hit on country radio. And when the band went on tour, they had to cancel Southern dates for lack of sales.

So again, the Chicks rejected the status quo of their community, and they paid a price. That’s rebellion.

My point here is not “the Chicks were right” and “country music was wrong.” It’s that most of the time, people don’t take a stand against the values of the groups that have accepted them, even if they disagree with those values. I would respect any artist who did that. I respect Cat Stevens, for instance, for going hardcore Islam, despite how it offended his liberal base.

Then again, because I agree with the Chicks, I’m especially taken with their actions. I find them inspiring because they stood up against behavior that offended me. When the world was watching, the used their art to take action.

We’re almost home! I was only planning one more post for our countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts, but I had a lot to say about the top five. I figured it would be better to split this final section into two pieces.

(For the rest of the countdown, go here.)

20. “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz (2001)

There was a time when the term “virtual band” could only inspire thoughts of The Archies or Jem & The Holograms: No matter how much we wanted Jerrica’s earrings, we couldn’t take her seriously as a musician. For one thing, the music these “bands” created always seemed like an afterthought… something designed to sell comic books and action figures.

Then Gorillaz hit the scene. An ambitious fusion of visuals and music, the group is a serious, ongoing performance art project. The band’s “members” are animated characters created by designer-cartoonist Jamie Hewlett, and he gives them all distinctive looks and backstories. Meanwhile, an ever-expanding roster of excellent musicians, led by Blur’s Damon Albarn, makes noise in the recording studio.

And oh what noise it is! Gorillaz defy categorization, throwing hip-hop, rock, dub, soul, and the kitchen sink into their records. Take “Clint Eastwood:” The heavy drums and ominous cackles could be lifted from a Vincent Price film; guest rapper Del tha Funkee Homosapien sounds like he’s rapping from the back of his throat; and the slurred hook (“I got sunshine in a bag,” etc.) may as well be wrapped in a pair of skinny hipster jeans. Yet the disparate pieces form an addictive whole. (Personally, I live for the moment when Del whispers that it’s all in my head.)

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19. “The Long Way Around” by Dixie Chicks (2006)

“The Long Way Around” has so many layers, so many harmonies and instrumental flourishes that it’s just… Wow. It’s really hard for me to speak about. Something in the song moves me very deeply. It’s the sound of the Dixie Chicks’ voices. It’s the way the banjo sneaks into the mix, not forcing itself on me, but assuredly moving me forward. It’s the lyrics, which are so specific and yet so  applicable for anyone who feels like they live outside the mainstream. (I guess that’s everyone, at one point or another.)

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18. “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová (2007)

I can’t believe I forgot to include Once in my Best Picture Expansion Project entry for 2007! It’s such a lovely, honest, and surprising movie.

But I haven’t forgotten to include “Falling Slowly,” the Oscar-winning cut from the film’s phenomenal soundtrack, on this countdown. Like Once, it digs deep emotion out of quiet moments. Hansard’s aching voice blends with Irglova’s ethereal lilt to beautiful effect, and that finale is all passion.

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17. “This Is the Last Time” by Keane (2004)

As I’ve written, I’m keen on Keane. You want some ear-shredding guitar rock? Check their latest album. You want Beatles-esque pop? They’ve got you covered. You want a memorable melody? Try everything they’ve ever recorded.

Of all their excellent songs, “This Is the Last Time” is my favorite. It’s got the grandeur of Queen, the hookiness of Mika, and a bittersweet charm all its own. I can’t find an embeddable video of the studio version, so if you want to hear the goodness, go here.

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16. “Umbrella” by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z (2007)

I know, right? You’ve heard it a zillion times, and it’s still so good. “Umbrella” rightfully pushed Rihanna over the line that separates stars from superstars.

Granted, Rihanna’s vocals are nothing special here, and any competent singer could make “Umbrella” work. Rihanna, however, is the one who got the job. It’s her song, and it always will be.

Ironically enough, it seems to have cleared the way for her personality. Later singles like “Disturbia” and “Take a Bow” feature stronger, more distinctive vocals that give her a raspy, biker-chick persona. Just another way “Umbrella” improves the world, I suppose.

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15. “Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)” by Pink (2006)

A perfect distillation of Pink’s persona and appeal, “Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)” is a propulsive dance-punk number in which Pink goes schizophrenic on her boyfriend, telling him to go away and come back in the same breath. She admits that’s she totally messed up, and it makes her human and relatable. She drops F-bombs like rain, and they seem appropriate to the topic at hand. And of course, she sings the hell out of the song, which is why she’s one of my faves.

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14. “I’m Movin’ On” by Rascal Flatts (2000)

Can you pass the tissues, please? We’ve got ourselves a tearjerker. It’s not just the piano-and-strings arrangement and gorgeous vocals that get me going, though. The lyrics are what really knock me over.

They’re just so accurate, you know? I remember those years in college when I realized that if I was going to live the life I wanted, I would have to move far away. And I remember, too, that some people resisted seeing me change, even though they loved me. (Not my parents, though. They rule.)

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13. “What Would You Do?” by City High (2001)

I hope that some of you are saying, “Damn! I forgot about that song!”  I hope you’re remembering that City High delivered a bouncing baby masterpiece back in 2001.

That’s right, I said masterpiece. Here’s why:

(1) “Hold up” — You know what I’m talking about. That Nate Dogg sample launches the funky-funk breakdown and sends “What Would You Do?” to the next level.

(2) The chorus we all wish we’d written — City High deserves credit for briefly reviving the social conscience in R&B. There are some interesting issues at play in this song, like the effects of poverty and conflicting notions of personal responsibility.

And the lyrics are clever, yo. “Somewhere smokin’ rock now/In and out of lockdown/I ain’t got a job now.” That’s pop gold!

(3) That one guy from City High was the kid who sang “Joyful, Joyful” in Sister Act 2 — That fact isn’t really about the song, but it’s too awesome to ignore.

(4) The song inspired me to write a Krispy Kreme-themed parody — I was in the Krispy Kreme on Ponce de Leon in Atlanta (the one that had the conveyor belt of doughnuts in the back), and while I was waiting in line, this alternate version popped into my head:

What would you do if I took your doughnut?
Said you want it back, but I don’t give a fuck
‘cuz I’m hungry.
And the only way to feed me is to
give me a doughnut with a little bit of sprinkles,
or a lemon-filled.
I’m giving it the praise now, yes I am amazed now,
‘cuz it’s double glaze now.
And for you, this might not mean much
but for me, this is what I call lunch.
Mm-mmm!

Thank you, thank you. But I couldn’t have done it without City High.

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12. “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson (2004)

Despite how it seems, “Since U Been Gone” has not been around since the beginning of time. Despite it’s near-perfect penetration of our culture, it was released a mere five years ago.

And frankly, even if Kelly Clarkson had retired two seconds after “Since U Been Gone” came out, her place in the pop firmament would be secure. Thanks to her kick-ass vocals (and Max Martin and Dr. Luke’s songwriting), this hit made her a legitimate pop force. She’s never quite matched it, but who could? Let’s just crank it one more time and be happy she scaled these heights at all.

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11. “Natasha” by Rufus Wainwright (2003)

This ballad spills out like a single thought. The verses and choruses melt into each other, gently pulling us along, and when Wainwright finally stops singing, we’re left with a swell of strings like a melancholy wave as he heads for the door.

I’ve heard the song’s about Wainwright’s friendship with the actress Natasha Lyonne, who has has battled all kinds of addictions. That makes sense, but whatever it’s about, “Natasha” is an elegant expression of confusion. I mean, how do you face the people you love if they hurt you all the time?

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10. ” Hey Ya!” by OutKast (2003)

I’m so glad the “Charlie Brown ‘Hey Ya!’” video is still online, because you know that expression on Snoopy’s face when he’s got his head thrown back and he’s dancing on top of Schroeder’s piano? (It starts at 1:24.) That’s exactly how this song makes me feel. Like, I’m so happy when it comes on that I reach an instant state of bliss.

Funny story: When “Hey Ya!” came out, I couldn’t stop playing it. One day my dad heard it, and he noticed I was shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

And do you know what he said? “Who shakes a Polaroid?”

Dad, I love you. I know you’re reading this, and I have to tell you… everybody shakes a Polaroid.

I’ll give my dad credit, though. He may not have cottoned to the Polaroid reference, but he did do a jig to the song. It was a momentary jig—a jiglet, really—but it was there. He’s really a pretty cool guy.

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9. “Crazy In Love” by Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z (2004)

2004 was an embarrassment of musical riches. We got “Crazy in Love” and “Hey Ya!” at almost exactly the same time, and all it cost us was six gallons of sweat and a booty sore from shaking.

My friend Rachel, much wiser than I, says “Crazy In Love” is amazing because it’s actually multiple songs in one. First, there’s the horn part, which announces B’s arrival; then there’s the verse and chorus, with their crazy energy; next comes Jay-Z’s killer verse, which makes history’s greatest use of the word “chinchilla;” and finally, there’s the “uh-oh, uh-oh, oh no-no,” which puts a sassy little stamp on the whole affair.

8. “So Alive” by Ryan Adams (2003)

Remember when U2 was good? Remember when their music was passionate and raw and soared through the clouds? Well, Ryan Adams remembers.

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7. “Dead Flowers” by Miranda Lambert (2009)

Miranda Lambert’s music just keeps getting better, as evidenced by the fact that she released this exceptional track just a few months ago. Is it bold to put a song so young in my top ten for the entire decade? Perhaps! But I stand by my choice. Here’s the essay I wrote about “Dead Flowers” back in May. I still mean it.

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6. “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service (2003)

For some people, The Postal Service, a one-off collaboration between Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard and dntel’s Jimmy Tamborello, is a minor religion. (I’m a convert myself.) For some, however, I’m sure The Postal Service is nothing at all. Though they’re certainly popular, they are not the kind of act that’s going to pierce the general consciousness. Indie electro-pop is still indie and electronic, after all.

If you already know “Such Great Heights,” then take another dip. It’s just as good as you remember: The lyrics are still delightful. The fizzy electro swirls still sound like the butterflies you get when you think about your first love.

If you don’t know the song, then I encourage you to give it a try. It’s electronic music at its warmest, its brightest, its best.

We’ve getting close to the end of our countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts. Let’s keep the party going!

(To enjoy the rest of the countdown, just go here.)

40. “Blame Me! Blame Me!” by Anberlin (2008)

Seriously, you guys? Anberlin should send me a free hat or something because I have been talking them up this year.

They’re a straightforward rock band making straightforward songs, yet they have so much energy that they never sound shopworn. I’m especially impressed by their commitment to musicality: Their songs have great melodies, their playing is really polished, and singer Stephen Christian has a lovely voice that he doesn’t try to hide behind screams or digital trickery.

“Blame Me! Blame Me!”especially tickles my fancy because it’s (a) insanely fast  and (b) about a couple that refuses to discuss their problems, which strikes me as meaty material.

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39. “You Don’t Have to Believe Me” by Eric Hutchinson (2007)

As of this writing, major New York radio station Z100 is talking up Eric Hutchinson as the next big thing, which is what various people have been dubbing him since 2007. Maybe someday the world will come alive to his genius (which I celebrate here.)

If you haven’t yet climbed the Hutchinson tree, then take a big, juicy bite of “You Don’t Have to Believe Me,” a blues-rock stomper about a man telling a woman that his compliments are sincere. He even says her mind is her sexiest feature. Swoon!

p.s. — Warner Brothers has foolishly decided to ban all recorded versions of this song from appearing on YouTube, so I embedded a live performance. It’s solid, but I’d recommend listening to the original right here.

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38. “Turn Off the Light” by Nelly Furtado (2001)

Nelly-nell is one of my favorite new artists of the decade. She bounces from folk-pop to Timabaland-produced dance tracks to Spanish language ballads, and she imbues them all with personality.

“Turn Off the Light,” her second single, is sultry good fun. The bridge just kills, inspiring me to dance by using nothing more than drums and Furtado’s voice. And there’s not a thing wrong with that part in the chorus where she goes “follow-me-follow-me-follow-me down-down-down-down.” I love repetition! I love-love-love it!

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37. “I Feel It All” by Feist (2007)

As though its gadgets don’t give us enough, Apple uses its commercials to introduce the world to indie music. We’ve gotten Yael Naïm and Chairlift out of their ads, but most importantly, we’ve gotten Feist.

Granted, Feist was making records for years before Apple dropped her song “1, 2, 3, 4″ into a TV spot, but those thirty seconds changed everything. If nothing else, they made me finally pay attention to what she’s doing, and I’m glad I did, since it’s not just “1, 2, 3, 4″ that rules. It’s all of her music.

“I Feel It All” sneaks up on you. It seems weightless at first, but then that one part about “the wings are wide” gets stuck in your head, or you find yourself humming the “oh-oh-oh-uh-oh-oh-oh” bit as you come up from the subway, and the next thing you know, this cute little ditty is your queen. But you know… she’s a benevolent queen who rewards you for your loyalty.

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36. “How I Go” by Yellowcard (2006)

Mostly, I’m as excited by Yellowcard’s pop punk music as I am by the recent threat of a Blink-182 reunion.

But “How I Go” is a total detour, like when Extreme stopped being trashy just long enough to record “More Than Words” and “Hole Hearted.” It’s an emotional powerhouse of a ballad about a father who keeps disappointing his son, and when Dixie Chick Natalie Maines rocks those harmony vocals, I am reduced to jelly.

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35. “Guilty in Here” by Miranda Lambert (2007)

When I last praised Miranda Lambert’s kicky lament about the boys who want to marry her, it was number eight on my iTunes most-played playlist. Now it is number 6. That is because it’s great.

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34. “Can I Get Get Get” by Junior Senior (2005)

While I was researching this post, I found out that Junior Senior disbanded late last year. Sucko! The Danish duo’s albums give us more than just dance music: They give us dance music with wit and playfulness. From “Chicks and Dicks,” in which Jeppe (the gay one) and Jesper (the straight one) debate which sex is sexier, to “We R the Handclaps,” in which they celebrate, um, clapping, their songs are always stupid-brilliant fun. It’s like they rolled up in the studio, said the first things that came to their minds, and then watched as it accidentally became awesome. In a world where so many dance artists are unbearably pretentious–*cough*Daft Punk*cough*—Junior Senior’s lunacy creates pure, uncomplicated fun.

Here’s why “Can I Get Get Get” is their best song:

(1) The chorus. Obvs.

(2) The bridge, where girls keep yelling, “I don’t do that kind of thing!” and the guys respond with random phrases like “Hey!” and “Okay!” This creates the semblance of a conversation, but it’s actually just nonsense.

(3) The music video. I want to hang out with all of those people.

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33. “No One” by Alicia Keys (2007)

Alicia Keys’ first two albums are impressive, if effortful. You can tell she’s the valedictorian, proving her talent as much as demonstrating it, but on her third album As I Am, something breaks free. Suddenly, her arrangements are looser, her lyrics are smoother, and her voice… her voice is full of soul.

“No One” sums up the change. Simple but heartfelt, it’s one of the best R&B performances of our young century.

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32. “Work It” by Missy Elliott (2002)

Remember the first time you heard this song and your brain melted? Because Missy said she could “put her thang down, flip it, and reverse it,” and then Timabaland played her voice backwards? Oh my God. It was like cats became dogs.

I love Missy Elliott as a musician and as a performer because she’s not afraid to be capital-w weird. Take her head off in a music video? Sure. Dance in a trash bag suit? Cool. Use a triple-tracked vocal and tell me to get my hair did? Why not? You can count her to be interesting, and in the case of songs like “Work It,” interesting becomes brilliant.

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31. “Extraordinary Machine” by Fiona Apple

Speaking of songs that are weird, how about “Extraordinary Machine?” What the hell is this thing? Is that a cowbell? Is that a marimba? And is that Fiona Apple rocking a fluttery falsetto during the bridge?

On paper, this circus-inspired song sounds like a disaster… like the twee little tune a group of pretentious clowns would song while the big top behind them caught fire. But in reality, it’s quirky and lovely. It grabs my attention because it sounds so strange, but it keeps my attention because it’s singable.

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30. “Lose Yourself” by Eminem (2002)

I generally have no use for Eminem.

“But he’s so talented!”

“He’s an intelligent provocateur and a tortured genius and a total hottie!”

Maybe. But I’m just not interested in someone so hateful.

However, I can’t deny “Lose Yourself.” The thundering beat, Em’s intense-yet-fretful delivery, and his “fear of success” lyrics are all just unstoppable. Plus, have you noticed the nimble rhythm of his flow? He changes tempos so easily that you barely realize he’s doing it, and he knows exactly when to pause for maximum effect. Anyone who thinks rapping isn’t artful should listen to the way Eminem does it here.

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29. “Shampoo” by Elvis Perkins in Dealand (2009)

“Shampoo” got my praise a few months ago. It’s this high on the list because it’s just as exciting today as it was back then.

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28. “We Learned the Sea” by Dar Williams (2000)

This song is the reason that I will continue buying albums, instead of always cherry-picking my favorite tracks off of iTunes. When I first heard Dar Williams’ exceptional record The Green World, I was taken by percussion-heavy tracks and soaring ballads. It was almost six months before I really heard “We Learned the Sea.” Over time, however, this quietly haunting song, which turns sailing into a metaphor for childhood anxiety, has become my favorite. I’m especially taken with the bridge at 1:07, when Williams moves to her higher register and a swell of strings rises up to meet her. It’s not a bombastic moment, and it only lasts a few measures, but it throbs with melancholy.
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27. “Tambourine” by Eve (2007)

How can musical abortions like “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” hit number one, while near-perfect specimens like Eve’s “Tambourine” struggle to make the top forty? Did Eve and producer Swizz Beatz put cooties in Billboard’s bedsheets?

But let’s not linger on the injustice. Let’s focus instead on a song that excited me so much the first time I heard it that I started bouncing back and forth in my chair like a crazy person. (This was when I still worked at home, thank God.)

How could I resist? There’s just so much substance to Swizz Beatz’ production! The tidal wave of synths adds elegance to the chest-thumping bass, and the barrage of tambourines flies by at about 6,000 beats per minute. Sonically, it’s much more exciting than the minimalist hip-hop that Lil’ Jon and his ilk have been cranking out this decade.

And I can’t overlook Eve’s contribution. Her laid back flow provides the perfect contrast to the hyperactive rhythm.

Finally, the uncensored version of this song practically secured its place on the countdown by opening with Swizz Beatz shouting, “Ya gotta shake ya ass!” Those are words to live by, people.

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26. “My Interpretation” by Mika (2007)

The United States hasn’t caught on to Mika. “Grace Kelly” was a minor hit, but otherwise, we’ve foolishly ignored his dizzying fusion of Queen, Elton John, and choirs. His bombast and super-duper gayness put some people off, but I say there’s always room for an artist this devoted to melody and energy and sparkles.

His just-released single “We Are Golden” is fantastic, and who knows what treasures his upcoming second album will deliver, but for now, my Mika vote goes to “My Interpretation,” which is not only lush and enjoyable, but also tackles the interesting subject of two lovers seeing the same relationship in different ways.

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25. “Woke Up New” by The Mountain Goats (2006)

The Mountain Goats is mostly singer-songwriter John Darnielle, who, depending on the album, is either recording low-fi music in his basement or, like, fronting a giant string section. Whatever he does, the result is always fascinating, and that’s why he’s become one of my all-time favorite artists.

Musically, “Woke Up New” is lovely and sad, contrasting a rollicking mid-tempo guitar line with mournful blasts of organ.

But the lyrics make this song exquisite. He might be mourning a lover who has left or a lover who has died, but either way, the song’s narrator describes his first morning alone. He’s cold, so he puts on sweater. He makes too much coffee, but he drinks it all.

Structurally, each trivial detail is followed by a poetic image, so that concrete experiences lead to abstract chasms of pain. Take this verse…

On the morning I made coffee
for just myself
I made too much of it
But I drank it all, just ’cause you hate it
when I let things go to waste

And I wandered through the house
like a little boy
lost at the mall
And an astronaut could’ve seen
the hunger
in my eyes
from space

There’s no obvious logical flow to the images here, but you can sense the emotions getting bigger and bigger.

Darnielle heightens the impact of the rising emotion by making his chorus the simplest thing in the song. He softly repeats one line—”What’ll I do… without you?”—and on each repetition of “what’ll I do,” he pushes his voice higher and higher until it cracks. It sounds like he’s choking back tears.

In other words, the verses move toward a volcanic catharsis, but the chorus tamps it down. It’s like the pain is too great to be fully expressed. I get that.

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24. “Irreplaceable” by Beyoncé (2006)

To paraphrase the ever-insightful Roommate Joe: This song owns you in six seconds. Before you even know what’s sitting to the left, to the left, you’re pointing in that direction, and by the time Beyoncé says you must not know ’bout her? Shit. You need to learn.

There’s only one thing keeping “Irreplaceable” below the top twenty: The “minute/minute” problem. You know what I’m talking about. Rhyming a word with itself is a no-no.

But obviously, one lyrical hiccup can’t break the deal.

Six million bonus points for the video, by the way. I love watching Beyoncé front an all-female band. Yay feminism!

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23. “Making Pies” by Patty Griffin (2002)

When I was in graduate school, I wrote a paper analyzing Patty Griffin’s songwriting and singing. To me, she’s so talented that she needs to be studied.

One of the songs I examined was “Making Pies,” which highlights both her mournfully beautiful voice and her penchant for writing songs about fictional characters.

In this case, we meet an old woman who’s been working at the Table Talk pie factory for decades—so long, in fact, that she doesn’t feel ashamed of the hairnet anymore. At first, it seems like she’s succumbing to loneliness, but by the final verse, we realize she’s a fighter. Griffin leaves her with stubborn dignity, making pies and refusing to be broken by hard times.

I love the verse about the woman’s high school sweetheart. She gets to a point in her story where she would naturally say, “He died,” but instead, the music slows and slows and then stops completely. We’re left with a few seconds of silence, waiting for the awful revelation, and then the music picks up again. And the subject changes. And we feel what we didn’t hear.

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22. “Music” by Madonna (2000)

This song is almost ten years old. When I hear it, I am instantly transported to my senior year of college, where my residents and I are having a dance party.

But no matter how recent that memory seems, it just isn’t. I was a senior in college a long time ago. Which means I was a freshman in college in… what… the Cretaceous?

Yet while time has ravaged me, it’s done nothing to “Music.” The stuttering beat still sizzles. The whiny computer noises are still cool. Madonna’s lyrics are still silly-good.

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21. “Handle Me” by Robyn (2005)

Clearly, I love the music of Scandanavia (and thereabouts). This list has already featured artists from Sweden, Finland, Denmark, and Norway, and now it’s time to add another Swede. That’s right: It’s time for my girl Robyn.

I wrote last year about my general enthusiasm for her music, her persona, and her lyrics. Again, where so many singers play at being badasses, Robyn just is one. In casual tones, she talks about kicking the crap out of you, and then a few minutes later, she sings a tender ballad about her broken heart. Only a real badass, one who isn’t worried what a punk like you thinks about her damn “reputation,” can be that vulnerable and that tough on the same record.

If you like “Tough Girl Robyn,” then hurry over to “Handle Me,” where she brushes off a wannabe boyfriend by calling him a “narcissitic, psycho-freakin’, boot-lickin’, Nazi pimp.” And then she says that for all his swagger, he still can’t handle her. DAMN!

Of course, her boasting wouldn’t be as impressive if it weren’t laid over a sick beat that’s peppered with acoustic guitar. The track, from writer-producer Klas Ã…hlund, makes Robyn a badass who sticks in your brain.

It’s time for part three of our countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts. Today, I’ll be revealing #60-41.

To enjoy the rest of the list, please go here.

60. “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay (2008)

I predict that “Viva La Vida” will prove to be one of this decade’s most enduring songs. It doesn’t sound like anything else that’s been on the radio in the last ten years, what with its stabbing string section and Ren Faire collection of choir bells and St. Peter references, yet it’s still effortlessly enjoyable.

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59. “The World Should Revolve Around Me” by Little Jackie

Last year, I explained why the duo Little Jackie rocks my world, and they’re still rocking it today. Lead singer Imani Coppolla may never be a household name, but after following her 1997 hit  “Legend of a Cowgirl” with Little Jackie’s sassy musings on politics, relationships, and the awesomeness of Brooklyn, she’s proven she deserves a place in the pop-o-sphere.

In case you don’t know her music, “The World Should Revolve Around Me” is a great introduction. Listen first for the throwback soul. Once you’ve stopped dancing, listen again for the tough-as-nails lyrics about how being too arrogant for a boyfriend.

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58. “Dry Your Eyes” by The Streets (2004)

Mike Skinner, the U.K. rapper who calls himself The Streets, makes self-deprecating jokes and random observations about daily life, places them over thrillingly original beats, and then serves them up like tasty musical treats. Sure, he dabbles in traditional hip-hop braggadocio, but like Kanye West, he also cuts through the swagger to prove that contemporary rap music can be a conduit for real feeling.

Nothing proves my point like “Dry Your Eyes.” As he chronicles his desperation to keep his girlfriend, the painful details of their last conversation, and his realization that he’ll never get her back, Skinner creates one of the most vulnerable and poignant rap songs I’ve ever heard.

If you like this hit, then check out the album A Grand Don’t Come For Free, which tells the story of one supremely bizarre day in Skinner’s life. “Dry Your Eyes” is part of the wistful penultimate chapter.

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57. “Helpless” by k.d. lang (2004)

For a few years there, k.d. lang’s cover of Neil Young’s 1969 classic was in every television show, movie, and commercial in the world. I remember being home for Christmas and hearing it at the end of the movie Away from Her in the afternoon and on an episode of Brothers and Sisters that night.

But why wouldn’t you put this on a soundtrack? lang is one of the best singers in the world, and this song lives in her “elegant sadness” wheelhouse. It gives any scene a guaranteed shot of grandeur.

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56. “Turn, Turn, Turn” by Dolly Parton (2005)

You guys, Dolly Parton’s voice sounds better now than it did in the seventies. How many professional singers can say that? I mean, just listen to the last minute of her cover of “Turn, Turn, Turn.” My girl wails like she just got saved, and the husky power of her voice makes me want to fall out in church myself.

It’s really been an incredible decade for Dolly: She released the last two albums in her exceptional bluegrass trilogy, and her song from Transamerica, “Travelin’ Thru,” was one of the highlights of 2006. Her 2008 album Backwoods Barbie also has enough high points to suggest she’s got years of great music ahead of her. Godspeed!

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55. “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West (2006)

Those horns! That guest verse from Lupe Fiasco! That effortless sense of fun! Thanks for all of it, Kanye. And thanks for providing the perfect accessory to the butterfly collars in my closet.

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54. “No Man’s Woman” by Sinéad O’Connor (2000)

I wish Sinéad O’Connor weren’t so prone to controversy. Then maybe we could focus on what a brilliant musician she is. Like, have you heard “No Man’s Woman,” from her 2000 album Faith and Courage? It not only crackles with a propulsive rhythm and the wall-shredding power of her voice, but also delivers a short seminar on the intersection of feminism and religion. When she gets to the final verse, where she decides that Jesus is the one man she can trust, Sinéad and her band explode into frenzy. You have to believe in her because you can hear that she’s tearing herself open to communicate.

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53. “No More Drama” by Mary J. Blige (2001)

Like Sinéad O’Connor, Mary J. Blige knows how to destroy herself in the service of a song. I’ll bet that if she doesn’t lose an earring during a live show, she feels like she was phoning it in.

Blige has released some great singles this decade—especially “Family Affair,” “Be Without You,” and “Just Fine”—but her signature anthem is “No More Drama.” It defines her new life philosophy, and it samples the theme from The Young and the Restless. Only someone as dynamic as Mary J. Blige could make that seem appropriate instead of ridiculous.

(The video I embedded comes from her jaw-dropping performance at the 2002 Grammys. That is commitment, people. I feel like she could have killed someone during this performance without even noticing. Or like, if you were sick while she was singing, and  a thread from her gold lamé jacket touched your forehead, then you would instantly be well.)

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52. “Mr Brightside” by The Killers (2004)

I could listen to this song over and over and over. It’s got such a great melody, especially in the “touching his chest now” part of the bridge, that I could hear it during a funeral and still feel like I had to sing along.

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51. “John, Let Me Go” by Sondre Lerche (2007)

Norwegian singer-songwriter Sondre Lerche is a harder-rocking heir to the lush pop traditions of the Beach Boys and a-ha. You can hear touches of both bands in “John, Let Me Go,” a kicky little number that seems like a plea to a boy who likes him. Of course, Lerche’s married to a woman in real life, so maybe that isn’t what the song is actually about… but who knows? And when a song is this fun, does it matter?

(I had to embed a live performance, but I recommend tracking down the studio version on iTunes. It’s got a full band, and it really, really rocks.)

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50. “Distant Dreamer” by Duffy (2008)

Adele. Amy Winehouse. Duffy. They’re all part of that white-girl-retro-soul movement that came out of England at the end of the decade. But while I like all three of those ladies, Duffy has the biggest place in my heart. She’s as comfortable with a saucy dance number (“Mercy”) as she is with a torch song (“Syrup & Honey”), and on “Distant Dreamer,” she shows that she can wring six hundred emotions out of a sweeping ballad.

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49. “The Influence” by Jurassic 5 (2000)

I wish more hip-hop acts were advancing the “positive music” traditions of Arrested Development and De La Soul, but at least at the beginning of the decade, Jurassic 5 was there to pick up the slack. Their catchy-as-hell track “The Influence” calls out shallowness and materialism without forgetting to deliver a delicious beat.

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48. “Bible Song” by Lori McKenna (2004)

I’m always looking for interesting perspectives from a singer-songwriter… something to make a familiar topic feel fresh. Lori McKenna shakes things up with almost every one of her songs. (That’s probably why country stars like Faith Hill have covered her work.)

On “Bible Song,”  McKenna weaves a vivid tale of a young woman who is running away from her hometown—where people pretty much get married, get depressed, and die—so that she can do something more with her life. The death of a cousin especially haunts her, and it’s just… who thinks to write a song about that, you know? And then makes the song pretty besides?

I can’t find a YouTube video “Bible Song,” but if you follow this link you can hear it and the rest of McKenna’s excellent album Bittertown.

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47. “Flowers in the Window” by Travis (2001)

If it weren’t for these Scottish popsters, bands like Keane and The Fray and Snow Patrol wouldn’t have careers. They got weirdly moody by the middle of the aughts, but when they released their album The Invisible Band, they were in top form.

“Flowers in the Window” is their standout track. It’s a piano-driven soft-rocker that goes down easy and always puts me in a good mood.

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46. “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” by Jay-Z (2001)

It was right around here that Jay-Z cemented his status as one of the decade’s greatest rappers. The song’s sweet hook (produced by a still-unknown Kanye West), its charming lyrical arrogance, and Hova’s butter-smooth flow combine to create an unforgettable jam.

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45. “Hung Up” by Madonna (2005)

Over twenty years into her career, Madonna dropped one of her greatest dance anthems. The ABBA sample creates a swirl of Euro-trashy goodness, and the key change in the bridge is the kind of thing that makes me lose my mind.

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44. “Smiley Faces” by Gnarls Barkley (2006)

I know that “Crazy” was the big Gnarls Barkley hit, but I just really prefer “Smiley Faces.” What can I say? I love a Supremes-style percussion track.

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43. “Nothing Better” by Postal Service (2004)

I know that Ben Gibbard has Death Cab for Cutie and James Tamborello has Dntel, but I really want them to reunite for another Postal Service album.

I mean, the world needs more songs as clever and enjoyable as “Nothing Better,” which lets a couple break up in the bantering-across-the-verses style of Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me.” In this entire decade, I don’t think I’ve found a better song for male-female karaoke.

Bonus points go to Gibbard for writing this lyric:  “Don’t you feed me lines about some idealistic future/Your heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.” Genius rhymes, dude!

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42. “Hot in Herre” by Nelly (2002)

Once a song becomes ubiquitous, it’s easy to take it for granted, but let’s remember that “Hot in Herre” didn’t always exist. There was a time when nobody said, “Girl, I think my butt gettin’ big.” There was a time when nobody had this particular spin on the disco hit “Bustin’ Loose” to dance to. There was a time when we didn’t know exactly which song would get a party jumpin’, no questions asked.

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41. “Stay” by Sugarland (2006)

Read The Critical Condition long enough and you’re bound to come across a reference to Sugarland, so I won’t be long here. I’ll just say that “Stay” has become the duo’s signature song because it highlights the emotive power of Jennifer Nettles’ voice and the intelligent simplicity of her songwriting. Plus, for all the songs that curse the other woman, there aren’t that many written from her perspective. Nettles sensitively fills a void and gives us all something to belt out when we feel guilty and/or used.

Welcome to The 101 Best Songs of the Aughts: #80-61.

For the rest of the countdown, just go here.

I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this segment!

80. “Hallelujah in the City” by Joan Osborne (2008)

Remember Joan Osborne? Her hit song “One of Us” is gimmicky and twee, and it bears no resemblance to her typical menu of blues, rock, and soul. Therefore, her 1995 album Relish was a disappointment to anyone hoping to hear more cute musings about the Almighty, and that disappointment spelled the end of her commercial viability.

But that didn’t stop Osborne from releasing several great tracks, including this song from 2008′s Little Wild One. Co-written with Eric Bazilian and Rick Chertoff, the very gents who foisted “One of Us” on the world, “Hallelujah in the City” praises New York with crashing drums, gospel spirit, and some damn fine vocals. Best of all, it doesn’t crescendo into a choirs-and-tambourines shouting festival,which is what I expected the first time I heard it. Instead, Osborne stays restrained. It’s like she’s so moved by her thoughts that she wants to keep some for herself, and that creates an alluring sense of mystery.

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79. “Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly (2003)

I will always associate R. Kelly with child pornography. He has been cleared of all charges, so good for him, but I still say that if he had even been accused of having sex with underage boys, then he would never have been heard from again. His unflagging commercial success in the face of his ordeal suggests some very icky things about our culture. Or maybe it suggests that the court of public opinion occasionally reserves judgment until all the facts are in evidence. I personally believe it’s the former, but hey… that’s a subject for another essay.

For now, let me acknowledge that “Ignition,” released in the middle of the sex tape scandal, gives me everything I need in a slow jam. Hummable chorus? Check. Singalong lyrics about sippin’ on Coke and rum? Check. Occasional commands for me to bounce-bounce-bounce, which takes the aggravating guesswork out of dancing? Check.

After years of trying to resist this song, I finally downloaded it a few months ago. But so what? I’m drunk.

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78. “In the Shadows” by The Rasmus (2003)

It was a tough call, but I’ve decided The Rasmus are my favorite Finnish rock band. Oh, okay… they’re the only Finnish rock band I know, but even if I did know others, I bet they’d still be my favorite!

Exhibit A: “In the Shadows” has been in my gym mix for six years, and I still want to pump my fist in Rocky-like glory every time it comes on. When that “oh-oh-UH-oh” business kicks in, I am the master of every treadmill I see. That’s great, since when I’m out of breath, I need a song that relies on primal sounds instead of stupid words, you know? That make it so much easier to sing grunt along!

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77. “Who We Be” by DMX (2001)

Before announcing his decision to preach (!), DMX did aggression as well as the pit bulls in his music videos. On “Who We Be,” he directs his menace toward social ills instead of the fools who get in his way, and the result is a bracing anthem for anyone who refuses to let circumstances hold them down.

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76. “The Fixer” by Pearl Jam (2009)

I’ve already written about how much I like this decade-closing hit from Pearl Jam and how it resurrected my interest in their music.  I still feel that way.

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75. “Hurricane” by Mindy Smith (2004)

Mindy Smith first got attention with a cover of “Jolene” that impressed Dolly Parton so much she agreed to sing backing vocals. ‘Nuff said, right?

Smith has lived up to that promise with three albums of dark and spiritual Appalachian music. Because she rejects sunshine platitudes about faith and love, and chooses instead to acknowledge how hard life can be, even when it’s going well, her music creates a fascinating contrast to her honey-sweet voice.

Of her many excellent songs, I find “Hurricane,” about the aftermath of a broken heart, the most haunting.

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74. “SexyBack” by Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland (2006)

Hats off to Mr. Timberlake, ladies and gentleman. From humble boy band roots, he has become a strong contender for entertainer of the decade. The genuinely funny SNL appearances! The killer guest spots on all those great singles! The dance moves! The fact that he seems like a genuinely nice guy! Who else gives us all those perks in one stubble-faced package?

Plus, when he decides to sing lead, J.T. cranks out monster jams. “SexyBack” is his Godzilla: It not only launched a string of hits with Timbaland, but also dropped “___ is bringing sexy back!” into the global lexicon. As in “Diane Pelosi’s bringing sexy back!” or “This Wednesday at 9:00 PM, Kate and Sawyer are bringing sexy back!” We’d be poorer without that catchphrase in our lives.

p.s. — The clip I’ve embedded features “SexyBack” playing over sex scenes from One Tree Hill. You’re welcome.

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73. “Closer” by Ne-Yo (2008)

He’s certainly popular, but Ne-Yo should be bigger than he is. He’s a talented songwriter, a pop star who can actually sing, and a connoisseur of old and new school grooves.

You may remember that last year I started a campaign to make Ne-Yo’s amazing single “Closer” a bigger hit. It eventually reached #7 on the Billboard Hot 100, so I’d say the plan worked. Good job, everyone!

We backed a worthy song, too. Structurally complex, with all those bridges and choruses and chorus intros, and layered with interesting sounds, it’s the rare recent R&B song that reveals something new on the third listen.

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72. “Royal Flush” by Big Boi featuring Andre 3000 and Raekwon (2008)

This hip-hop opus from Outkast’s Big Boi was one of the first songs I wrote about on The Critical Condition. Take a look at this essay to see why I still can’t get enough.

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71. “I Predict a Riot” by The Kaiser Chiefs (2005)

Kaiser Chiefs arrived in the mid-decade New Wave revival that also included Franz Ferdinand and Arctic Monkeys, and I’ll confess that I can’t always tell those bands apart. This song, however, breaks through the haze with its especially hooky chorus (“I predict a rye-uht!”), ominous lyrics about street crime, and interesting harmonies.

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70. “We Belong Together” by Mariah Carey (2005)

Forget the emotional breakdowns and the tragically terrible singing at Obama’s inauguration: “We Belong Together” will redeem Mariah Carey for at least another five years.

For one thing, the lyrics are amazing. I’ve always felt like Carey understands how ridiculous it is to say “wait a minute, this is too deep” after she hears a Bobby Womack song on the radio. I think she’s reveling in her emotional hysterics, just like she’s reveling in the internal rhyme of the phrase “throwin’ things/cryin’/tryin’ figure out where the hell I went/wrong.”

Add those words to Carey’s hypnotic, stop-and-start phrasing and you get a jewel of a single.

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69. “Oxford Comma” by Vampire Weekend (2008)

You’ve got to love a band that’s influenced by Peter Gabriel and the Africa-lite albums of Paul Simon: That’s just so agreeably dorky! Well, it’s “agreeable” because Vampire Weekend is a really good band.

“Oxford Comma” has a tossed-off feeling—the guitar solo is more like a doodle, and there’s an organ in there for no apparent reason—and that fits the lyrical theme of not caring about stuff that upsets other people. It also creates an insta-pick for your next bonfire or casual hang-out session.

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68. “All This Time Still Falling Out of Love” by Erasure (2005)

Everything that made Erasure great in the 80s and early 90s is overflowing from “All This Time Still Falling Out of Love,” which was part of their U.K. comeback album Nightbird. Andy Bell’s vocals are still exceptional (he’s one of pop’s best male singers), and they give a richly emotional dimension to Vince Clarke’s peppy keyboards and synths.

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67. “Things Are What You Make of Them” by Bishop Allen (2003)

Bishop Allen is one of thousands of indie bands from Brooklyn, and like Matt & Kim, they always seem to be having a good time. They’ve spread their infectious joy over several solid albums, all of which veer from love songs to “I’m a dork” songs in a blink. I’ve chosen “Things Are What You Make of Them” to represent their sound because it’s the first Bishop Allen tune I heard, and it made me fall for them right away. I especially appreciate the lyrical cameo from Jesus, who tells the narrator that his dopey romantic problems don’t have to be so overwhelming.

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66. “California” by Rufus Wainwright (2001)

Count on Rufus Wainwright’s poppiest song to be about how much he hates California. That’s just his style—using a sunny sound to curse the sun—and that’s just one of the reasons I love him.

Another is his voice, of course, which is in fine form here, and the fact that he is able to turn his pissy bitching into something so melodic. And really, we’ve all woken up on a beautiful day and thought, “Screw it, I’m watching television.” It’s nice that Rufus wrote an anthem for our sloth.

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65. “Cheated Hearts” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I don’t always get the Yeah Yeahs Yeahs. Unlike the rest of the universe, for instance, I don’t think “Maps” is all that great. For me, it just kind of sits there, asking too much of its half-finished hook.

But “Cheated Hearts?” Yes, please. There are six hooks at once in this song, and the music just grows and grows until it swallows us in a rock-out frenzy. Clearly, we should never underestimate the power of short phrases repeated multiple times. They invite shout-alongs and rabbit-hop dancing, and that’s an invitation we can always accept.

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64. “The End of Medicine” by The New Pornographers (2003)

Speaking of short phrases frequently repeated, how about the chorus in “The End of Medicine?” I love singing “are we, are we, are we, are we FACING,” and beyond that, I love how often the chorus gets followed by a beat that drops out and comes back.

Because it wraps those pop tropes in a wild package of guitars and drums and melodion, “The End of Medicine” is both a comfort and a surprise. That’s why it’s my favorite song on The New Pornographers’ Electric Version, which is one of my favorite albums of the decade.

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63. The “Jesus of Suburbia” suite by Green Day (2004)

I’ve already written about how the American Idiot album changed my perspective on Green Day. This song (or really, this collection of five short songs) sums up why. It’s refreshing to see a well-established band challenge itself by writing a song suite, much less a suite that questions American apathy. As an added bonus, each mini-tune grabs me in a different way, but they all grab me with equal force.

(p.s. — Check out the live video I embedded. The band gives a great performance.)

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62. “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie (2005)

It’s kind of morbid, I guess, to sing about your beloved’s inevitable death, and how you’ll stay with them forever, even if they end up in eternal limbo. But there’s something about “I Will Follow You Into the Dark”—Ben Gibbard’s vulnerable, intelligent lyrics; the simple loveliness of the melody—that makes it more tender than depressing. There really are moments when love feels like nothing more than wanting to die for someone, and as this song suggests, those moments can be lovely.

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61. “Me and Emily” by Rachel Proctor (2004)

I’m still angry this song peaked at a lowly number eighteen on the country charts. Don’t radio programmers know quality when they hear it? Was no one fighting for what’s right in 2004?

Ahem. See, “Me and Emily” is brilliant. For one thing, it doesn’t have a lyrical chorus. Yes, there’s a musical passage that repeats after every verse, but the words are different every time, and that enhances our understanding of the song’s narrator. She’s driving away from her husband with her baby girl sleeping in the passenger seat, you see, and she’s talking to herself about all the reasons she’s leaving. During the verses, when the music is sedate, she’s at a low level of emotion, but when she hits the choruses, when the music swells, she articulates her deepest fears and dreams. Of course there are drums behind her when she realizes that her little girl will need to know why she doesn’t have a daddy. Of course that’s when the music returns to its most passionate theme.

And of course the bridge—when she finally admits that she left her husband because he abused her—is the boldest moment of all, heaping extra instruments on the pile and speeding up the tempo. That theme doesn’t repeat until the last moment, when the narrator finally fills with hope that everything will be okay, meaning her last huge emotion is positive instead of negative. Then in the outro, we return to the musical simplicity of the verse. The narrator’s feelings are under control again, but she’s more peaceful than she was before.

And with that, singer-songwriter Rachel Proctor gives us an epic in under four minutes.

Plus, she delivers detailed lyrics that paint a picture of this woman’s mind. When big rigs throw rain on her window, for instance, she feels like they’re laughing at her. That one line tells us tons about her mental state, and that’s just one of many evocative lines we hear.

So anyway, I’ve got Rachel Proctor’s back. If it had been up to me, “Me and Emily” would have been number one for a year.

Welcome to my countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts!

I can’t wait to hear your reactions. Which choices are perfect? Which ones are wrong-wrong-wrong? Which classics should’ve made the cut?

(To find the entire countdown, just go here.)

And now, let the games begin!

101. “Returning to the Fold” by The Thermals (2006)

Of all the garage rock bands to emerge in the naughty aughties, The Thermals are creating the soundtrack for the dance party in your bedroom. “Returning to the Fold” is their kick-assiest achievement, fueled by a vicious guitar hook and Hutch Harris’ soaring vocals. Crucially, the song’s messy edges also make it feel recklessly alive… like the band couldn’t practice too much because it had to start jamming right this very minute.

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100. “Stand Up” by Ludacris (featuring Shawnna) (2003)

Oh Luda, you create havoc in my soul. On one hand, you drop some of the most misogynistic rhymes I’ve ever heard, but on the other, you undercut your own hatefulness by mocking the notion of hip-hop masculinity. Every time you appear in a video sporting inflatable biceps, I feel like you’re slyly commenting on the very tropes you embody. And then I hear a song like “Stand Up,” with it’s tooth-rattling bass and unstoppable chorus, and my booty drops so fast that I forget to think at all. (You’ll be happy to know, Luda, that you get bonus points for talking about the midget hanging off of your necklace. It’s so wrong it’s right.)

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99. “These Words (I Love You, I Love You)” by Natasha Bedingfield (2005)

Natasha Bedingfield’s breakthrough single in the United States, “These Words” floats on drum loops, clever lyrics, and a killer piano hook, which the first verse helpfully explains is built from “the combination D-E-F.” Songs about writing songs can be pretentious, but Bedingfield makes the concept winning by admitting that she can’t actually write the perfect love song, so she’ll settle for this catchy little number instead.

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98. “What I Cannot Change” by LeAnn Rimes (2007)

Remember in the nineties when everyone was irritated that a middle schooler like LeAnn Rimes was singing Patsy Cline castoffs and poppy numbers about drinking pink champagne? Many felt she was a show pony with bangs, but that with age and experience, she might actually become a compelling performer.

And then she did. In 2007 rimes released Family, an album that demonstrates her sudden transformation into a master of both pop and alt-country sounds. I know, right? It’s such a gratifying story. Rimes could’ve been swallowed forever by the slick pop machine—or churned out desperate-sounding singles that hollowly asserted her “roots,” a la Faith Hill—but instead she forged her own path.

Family‘s best song is “What I Cannot Change,” a restrained and beautiful ballad about accepting yourself and your family as they are. Only a singer of real maturity could deliver it the way Rimes does.

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97. “July, July!” by The Decemberists (2002)

That Colin Meloy… he’s such a yarn-spinner! The songs he writes for his band The Decemberists always create unusual characters, but on “July, July!”, there’s even more to love. We get a weird rural couple and a rollicking beat.

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96. “Only This Moment” by Röyksopp (2005)

So I usually have this thing about producer-driven electronica, and that thing is…  I  hate it. Like, I can’t stand how cold and repetitive it is, and no matter how many times it tells me to be harder and faster and better and stronger, I just don’t care.

On “Only This Moment,” however, Norwegian duo Röyksopp leavens its bleeps and bloops with human voices and a comforting structure. The haunting chorus is especially grand: It makes me want to chill out and shake it at the same time.

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95. “It Can’t Come Quickly Enough” by Scissor Sisters

Scissor Sisters are best known for their retro dance anthems like “Take Your Mama” and “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’,” but for me, you can’t top this ballad, which sounds like the best lighter-raiser that Duran Duran never recorded.

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94. “Independent Women Part I” by Destiny’s Child (2000)

I’m sorry… Did you say you could resist this jam? Because I don’t like liars in my house. If you have hips, then I defy them to stay still while this ladypower anthem melts your speakers.

I love how earnest this song is, despite its blatant product placement for the first Charlie’s Angels movie. Beyonce’s solemn delivery pushes past the “Cam’ron D.” bullshit  and lets us cheer the notion of women paying their own bills. Therefore, we can laugh and feel empowered at the same time. Thanks, B!

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93. “I Need You” by Tim McGraw with Faith Hill (2007)

In the grand tradition of “Leather and Lace” and “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough,” this duet celebrates hard-asses in love. Thanks to the whiskey-and-heroin lyrics, Tim McGraw’s gruff drawl, and Faith Hill’s quietly emotional delivery, you get the impression that the singers love each other because they’ve survived some seriously messed up stuff. Personally, I prefer this track to that other country-pop duet—Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow’s “Picture”—because McGraw and Hill are better singers.

Meanwhile, I mentioned earlier that I was turned off by Hill’s transparent cred-boosting on the song “Mississippi Girl” (which is the Nashville equivalent of  “Jenny From the Block”), but here, she doesn’t make a big show of casting off her pop diva trappings. She just cuts the crap and starts singing.

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92. “You’re All I Have” by Snow Patrol (2006)

“You’re All I Have” encapsulates the appeal of Snow Patrol’s brilliant album Eyes Open: On one hand, it’s a plaintive  ode to the girl who got away, but on the other, it’s a bouncy slice of power pop. Mopey yet fun, serious yet unpretentious… the song and its album are tiny treasures.  The band’s next release was a gloomy snooze, but at least they got it right in 2006.

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91. “S.E.X.” by Lyfe Jennings featuring LaLa Brown (2006)

It could have been disastrous: Gravel-throated R&B singer Lyfe Jennings tries to educate a seventeen year-old girl about the rough realities of her burgeoning sexuality (men are going to be dogs, parents are going to freak out), and then he enlists LaLa Brown to give a woman’s perspective on the issue. On paper, that sounds like those motivational speakers who come to high school assemblies, rapping about staying in school.

And yet… Lyfe’s lesson rules. The great hook and the frank lyrics are important, but Brown is the secret weapon. Check out the start of her guest verse, when she sings, “See, he’ll tell you all kind of things to get in your pants.” The word “pants” has so many syllables that it becomes its own sentence, plus she adds that crazy accent at the end, so that “pants” becomes “paints.” Now I know what to do when those fool men come around.

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90. Don’t Let Me Stop You” by Kelly Clarkson (2009)

Let me describe what I imagine when I hear Kelly Clarkson wail her way through this song about her emotionally unavailable boyfriend: I imagine that I am running down a busy city street, perhaps wearing a super-cool denim jacket, and that I am moving at normal speed while everyone around me is frozen. As I run, I’m singing the lyrics, and I occasionally touch people that I pass. When I touch them, they unfreeze and start running with me. Eventually, there’s an entire pack of us, racing to some kind of river, and when we get there, the power of this song’s guitar line actually lets us run over the water.

Oh, and during the power note in the bridge, all the glass breaks out of a skyscraper.

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89. “A Postcard to Nina” by Jens Lekman (2007)

How to describe the Swedish singer-songwriter Jens Lekman? His music and lyrics are aggressively idiosyncratic, yet he commits to them with such enthusiasm that they’re totally charming.

“A Postcard to Nina,” for instance, is a five minute story about a man (named Jens) who pretends to be a lesbian’s boyfriend so that she can fool her father into thinking she’s straight. Only then, the father and Jens become friends, and the father keeps e-mailing, and Jens feels so guilty that he puts an “Out of Offce” autoreply on his e-mail account. And this yarn gets spun over bells and chimes and occasional bursts of drums. And it’s all pretty awesome.

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88. “I’ll Miss You Till I Meet You” by Dar Williams (2005)

I still miss the Dar Williams of the nineties—the one who wrote funny songs like “The Christians and the Pagans” and “The Pointless, Yet Poignant Crisis of a Co-Ed,” but even as a Serious Balladeer, she makes beautiful music. This song, from My Better Self, sticks with me because it adds percussive urgency to wistful, articulate regret.

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87. “Sober” by Pink (2008)

It’s hard to remember that Pink started her career as a knock-off R&B diva. She’s become such a convincing rock star that it seems like she was ripped from Joan Jett’s thigh.  I’ve written extensively about why I like her music—and there’s more to come in this countdown—and I’ve also explained why I love the video for “Sober.” Suffice it to say, then, that this song destroys my face.

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86. “Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse” by Of Montreal (2007)

Of Montreal is an indie group that’s mostly the work of singer-songwriter-performance artist-love guru Kevin Barnes. His music is low-fi, structurally challenging, and surprisingly accessible, and I know from experience that it makes cleaning your apartment more fun. I recommend digging through the entire Of Montreal catalog, but you should start with “Heimdalsgate…”, a zippy number about vicious mood swings.

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85. “Black Hose & the Cherry Tree” by KT Tunstall (2005)

Don’t laugh, but I like this song because when Katherine McPhee sang it on American Idol, it made me like her. Anything that can make Fakey McPhakerson seem genuinely cool has got to get some love. (Also? Tunstall’s version kicks ass.)

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84. “Ain’t No Other Man” by Christina Aguilera (2005)

From the moment she unleashes that incredible first note, Christina Aguilera owns this song. Producers D.J. Premier and Charles Roane support her vocals with a track that simultaneously sounds like big band music and contemporary dance-pop. Everything else on the Back to Basics album tries to recreate that formula, but nothing else does it as well.

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83. “How Shall I See You Through My Tears” from the Camp soundtrack (2003)

The clip I’m embedding is not the original version—it’s here, in stankly unembeddable form—but this cover is pretty damn good. It certainly proves that Camp, a cute movie about musical theatre dorks, produced one of the best pop-gospel numbers of the decade.

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82. “Drive (For Daddy Gene)” by Alan Jackson (2002)

Let me tell you something about myself: When taciturn men express their feelings, I always choke up. Like, if you want to sell me a greeting card, then show me a father opening a “Get Well Soon” card from his son in the Navy, then cut to the scene where he calls his kid and says how much better he feels. After I stop crying, I will buy stock in your company.

Now that you know this about me, I’m sure you realize that I’m a sucker for country songs about who cry. There are a lot of them.

Alan Jackson’s paternal ode is my all-time favorite for two reasons. The first is the lyric, which creates such vivid images of a man teaching his son to drive—and of the son passing the lesson to his daughters—that I can conjure the entire scene in my head.

The other key element is Jackson’s vocal. He hits the high notes with this emotional uncertainty that makes it sound like he’s going to cry. (Listen when he sings “king of the ocean” at the end of the first chorus.) It’s like he’s so overwhelmed by the sadness and joy of remembering his dad that he almost can’t go on.

Wait… who’s peeling onions? My eyes are totally watering.

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81. “Oh My Sweet Carolina” by Ryan Adams (2000)

Ryan Adams has released about 6,000 songs in the last ten years, and most of them are good. Few of them, however, can top this devastating ballad. Simple and plaintive and built on a gorgeous melody, it just feels honest, which is not always true of the hard rock posture Adam strikes on later records.

Plus, the lyrical themes of homesickness and loneliness are even more powerful because Adams and guest vocalist Emmylou Harris sound so damned sad. When their voices mingle, I swear there’s a tangible ache.

Due to popular demand, I am offering an appendix to my recent countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts.

Now that we’ve tasted the cream of the crop, it’s time to suck the curd. Herewith, I present the eight worst songs that were foisted upon us in the aughts. Not just bad songs, but exceptionally bad songs.After you’ve recovered from the awful shock of hearing them, I look forward to your reactions.

8. “Loverboy” by Mariah Carey (2001)

The filmmaking, acting, and script aren’t the only things that make Glitter a terrible movie. The soundtrack plays an enormous role. If you want a distillation of Mariah Carey’s decade-launching meltdown, then listen to “Loverboy,” the single that was meant to announce both her acting career and her new record deal… and ended up becoming the canary in the coal mine of her professional life.

I mean, you can tell this song sucks within three seconds. There are just so many disparate sounds crashing together—screams, squeals, synth drums, and Mariah giving us a spelling lesson. It’s all downhill from there. The song has no structure to speak of, no melody, and an absolutely ludicrous cameo from, well, Cameo. (Strawberry! Raspberry!)

Carey has since turned her career around, and considering the response to Precious, even her film career could get resurrected. Good for her. She needed to distance herself from this disaster.

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7. “We Made You” by Eminem (2009)

As I’ve written, this song is a disasterpiece. The jokes aren’t funny, the chorus isn’t memorable, Eminem’s flow is off, and his voice is thin. It would be less aggravating if he weren’t capable of so much more.

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6. “Invisible” by Clay Aiken (2003)

Look, I love Clay Aiken’s voice. I even love “This is the Night,” his cheesy-yet-strangely-stirring song from the American Idol finale.

What I do not love is a song that tries to make stalking sound romantic. According to these (conveniently gender-free) lyrics, Clay’s fantasy is to secretly watch a lover in his/her room and then force him/her to go on a date. Gross.

It’s a shame how crazy Aiken went by the end of the decade. Retrospectively, this song seems like the first warning sign.

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5. “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” by Good Charlotte (2002)

With this track, Good Charlotte manages to be hypocritical, lazy, and lame at the same time.

First, it’s hypocritical to bitch about how the rich and famous have it easy when you yourself are rich and famous.

Second, it’s lazy to release the world’s 2 billionth song about celebrities.

Finally, it’s lame to posture as though your boilerplate rock song is genuinely rebellious, when it’s so clearly a marketing ploy designed to make middle schoolers spend money on your records. It’s also lame to make snotty references about out-of-date celebrity scandals (Marion Barry, O.J. Simpson). See, Eminem? You had evidence this was a bad idea!

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4. “Angels on the Moon” by Thriving Ivory (2008)

Since I declared it a disasterpiece in January, lots of people have written in to defend Thriving Ivory’s power ballad. And hey, more power to you if you like this song. But I just… don’t.

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3. “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” by Toby Keith (2002)

I know that some people really support Keith’s definition of patriotism, which insists that putting a boot in the ass of our enemies is the American way. And I’m not necessarily opposed to retaliation after we’ve been attacked.

However, I can’t get behind the kind of swaggering, proudly thoughtless violence this song passes off as loyalty.

Plus, Keith used “Courtesy” to lead his media charge against those “unpatriotic” Dixie Chicks. So… I guess being American means putting a boot in the ass of anyone who doesn’t agree with Toby Keith? Whatever, Tobes. Smell ya later.

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2. “American Life” by Madonna (2002)

Because I love so much of Madonna’s music, I gave this song multiple chances to win me over. But there’s no getting past the shallow lyrics. Madonna could have used this song to address the red-blue divide that was polarizing the country in 2005, but instead, she wrote about fame. Again.

And then there’s the verse where she raps about Pilates. Holy God.

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1. “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em (2007)

I guess this song could be worse. Like, it could cause cancer or something. But otherwise, it’s the pinnacle of crap. In a decade where tuneless hip-hop assaulted the airwaves, this song managed to be the most tuneless of all. Soulja Boy has no discernible gift for rapping. The production on this song is muddy, and the beat is… well… it’s something a child could create.

And yet “Crank That” was number one for seven weeks. And it bred imitators. And that’s unholy.

Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday iPod Quiz.

Normally, a Critical Condition reader or I will put our iPod on shuffle and list lines from the first thirty songs that are played. (The answers to the most recent quiz are all here in the comments section.)

This week, however, I’m using the quiz to introduce a very exciting Critical Condition Event.

This week, the quiz features 20 lines from 20 songs that appear on my countdown of the 101 Best Songs of the Aughts.

That’s right! Starting next Tuesday, I’ll be listing my favorite hits of the decade, and I’ll be including a mini-review for every track. I am so psyched about it, and I can’t wait to hear your reactions to the list.

As a teaser, see if you can guess which decade-defining tunes these lines come from.The standard rules apply: Don’t look up lyrics on the internet, and in the interest of letting more people play, don’t provide more than three answers per day.

And if you want to guess where the song will be ranked on next week’s countdown… feel free!

Have a great Labor Day!

Friday iPod Quiz: “Best of the Aughts” Preview Edition

1. My texture is the best fur, chinchilla

2. Cure for cancer, cure for AIDS

3. My friends from high school married their high school boyfriends

4. Baby girl in those baby pants, come on over here and take a second chance

5. He’d say, “You can’t beat the way an old wood boat rides”

6. The freckles in our eyes are mirror images

7. Late Big nights back east with Rhoda

8. I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us

9. It’s a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain

10. The way that Kathie Lee needed Regis

11. Do you wanna be, wanna be my dying day? My darkest hour?

12. She’s touching his chest now

13. Hey mister D.J., put a record on

14. A melting snowman I was told

15. I just want you close, where you can stay forever

16. License plate says, “Stunner, Number One, Superstar”

17. I seen those English dramas too-oo

18. There is a town in north Ontario

19. I said follow me-follow-follow me, down-down-down-down

20. It was cool, but it was all pretend